REGINA – Part-time barista Melanie Ericsson has reportedly expressed relief after realizing she had no clean clothes but, fortunately, discovered that those in her hamper had a pleasant-enough odour that she could wear them to an important engagement.
“I’ve had a pretty busy month, what with working, studying, gaming and napping, and I guess I never really found a moment to dump my clothes basket into the washing machine,” added Ericsson, sniffing her collar. “The next thing I know, I get a call asking if I could come in for an interview at a pretty prestigious law firm, and all I have left in my closet are a flannel tracksuit, a pair of shorts I borrowed from my brother, and a BTS concert shirt that had a weird stain from the time I tried mixing a daiquiri with the stuff inside a glow stick”.
While positing that others might panic, Ericsson stated that she has a “tried-and-true” process to mitigate such wardrobe emergencies. “The first thing you want to do is immerse your hand into the fabric-pile and identify what I like to call ‘the dry zone’ and isolate those clothes from the rest”.
She continued, “Next up is taking a proper inventory of what kind of smell-profile we’re dealing with”, adding that “it was important that whatever blouse I chose had some residual deodorant scent, as a kind of safety-net”.
Ericsson noted that it is similarly critical to properly coordinate odours. “In this case, my top also preserved a hint of my daily cinnamon bagel. So, in addition to assuring they were at least 50% wrinkle-free, I made a point to grab a pair of slacks that carried a nice bouquet of Kraft Dinner”.
“You see, while both pieces smelled, they were matching smells, bread and cheese pair well together. A combative aroma palette is a real faux-pas”.
She went on to proudly state that not only did she “nail all of their questions”, but that her interviewers complimented her outfit and “didn’t even notice” that she was wearing her wool Hello Kitty socks.
Ericsson ultimately concluded that, “this definitely went better than the time I woke up late for my niece’s christening and had to wear the dress from my girlfriend’s stagette. I choked on a wafer and ended up coughing glitter into the communion wine”.
When asked when she plans on doing a new load of laundry, Ericsson remarked “Well, they told me they’d get in touch in a few weeks, and I really need to get to watching the new season of Happy Valley, so I think it can wait.”