ETOBICOKE, ON — After his Conservative party was officially re-elected with a majority vote this evening, Doug Ford celebrated his win by immediately hopping in his car, tearing down University Avenue...
Ontarians weigh difficult decision between voting and anything else
ONTARIO – With polls open today in Doug Ford’s snap provincial election, voters across the province are weighing a difficult choice between going out to vote, and not doing that whatsoever...
Thoughtful gift thwarted by Dollarama price tag
OAKVILLE – Kevin Walker’ seemingly thoughtful gesture for his girlfriend’s birthday on Sunday was obliterated when she noticed her gift was purchased from the discount chain, Dollara...
The Devil went down to Georgia, was deported by ICE
Atlanta, GA – Reports first made on social media have corroborated that the devil went down to Georgia looking for some souls to steal late Friday night where he was quickly taken into custody b...
Woman really impressed by how much date knows about DraftKings
EDMONTON – Local woman Melissa Orlon has reported that she is “over the moon” and “soooo blown away” by the depth of familiarity, passion and expertise her date of last night had for the online ...
Trudeau invites Zelensky to friendly pick-your-brain coffee chat about being invaded by warmongering neighbour
KYIV, UKRAINE – Citing a desire to “connect face to face”, Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau recently reached out to Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelenskyy with an aim to “share some insig...
Amazon-produced 007 movie pits Bond against fulfillment center workers who want to unionize
SEATTLE, WA – With Amazon now holding the rights to the 007 film franchise, the company’s CEO, Jeff Bezos, announced the first movie will pit Bond against his greatest enemy yet: ungrateful workers in...
Aligning themselves with Trump works out just as well for U.S. hockey players as it did for Ted Cruz
BOSTON – After explicitly praising Donald Trump’s support of their team and even hoping they can “win for him” U.S. hockey players discovered what Ted Cruz and numerous other p...
Canada annexes 4 Nations Championship
BOSTON, MA – The Canadian men’s hockey team has successfully seized the 4 Nations hockey championship from their American opponents, completing their annexation of the trophy nearly halfway through th...
Man who was happy to see snow for climate change reasons now back to angry
SCARBOROUGH, ON – Local man Geoff Bridgley, who recently expressed enthusiasm at this winter’s robust snowfall in the face of bleak worldwide climate change indicators, has now reverted to...