MILAN, ITALY – United States Vice President JD Vance was reportedly unaware of being booed during the Milano Cortina 2026 Winter Olympics opening ceremonies, due to the fact that he is already r...
Buck Martinez announces he is getting up, getting out of here, and gone
ROGERS CENTRE BROADCAST BOOTH – After spending over four decades with the Blue Jays as a player, manager, and announcer, Buck Martinez announced this morning that he would officially be getting ...
Media promises to only fall for the ‘maybe Poilievre has changed’ story 4-5 more times
“He’s the boy who cried ‘I’ll stop being an insufferable prick’ and we’re starting to think he doesn’t mean it.” Luke and the Panel (Clare Blackwood, Me...
Couples pregnancy app carefully dumbs down information sent to father
BRANDON, MB – A new pregnancy-monitoring app, 9months, has gained popularity thanks to its carefully-analyzed gestational data which is shared with expectant mothers and completely withheld from...
WEATHER REPORT: Get ready for a wet ass February
Toronto/Vancouver/Winnipeg/Montreal/Ottawa/etc. – It’s official: We’re in for one wet ass February, fuckers. According to February experts, the shortest month of the calendar will also be the wettest...
Blue Jays to honour the moment Joe Carter chose a Rogers phone plan
TORONTO – The Toronto Blue Jays have announced plans to honour franchise legend Joe Carter with a statue depicting the iconic moment when Carter locked in a 100 GB mobile plan for himself and up to th...
Experts warn new film about divorced man doing stand-up may lead to more divorced men doing stand-up
MONTREAL – Experts are sounding alarms about the new film Is This Thing On, starring Will Arnett, warning how its depiction of a newly divorced man doing stand-up comedy to process his failed marriage...
Report: Even Grok grossed out by how much Elon Musk is in Epstein Files
PALO ALTO, CA – The generative artificial intelligence Grok, which recently made headlines for creating user-directed underage pornography, has expressed “profound uneasiness” at bei...
Conservative party of Canada votes to axe the tax, build the homes, lose all the future elections
CALGARY – With over 87% of the Conservative Party of Canada voting to keep Pierre Poilievre as their leader at the 2026 Conservative Convention, Poilievre triumphantly announced that by reaffirm...
Nation could really use Catherine O’Hara to deal with passing of Catherine O’Hara
OTTAWA – Following the passing of screen and comedy legend Catherine O’Hara, nationwide reports indicate that the only thing Canadians could use to cheer them up from their grief is Cather...
