OTTAWA – With US President Trump instituting 25% tariffs on all steel and aluminum imports, Canada has elected to use their excess metals in the most sensible way possible – by constructin...
Poilievre hits play on the ‘don’t know what you’ve got til it’s gone’ part of Big Yellow Taxi, stares at photo of Trudeau
OTTAWA – Conservative insiders are growing concerned about Pierre Poilievre’s behaviour in recent days, as he is spending hours in his bedroom playing Joni Mitchell’s Big Yellow Taxi...
Canada uses Super Bowl distraction to burn down White House again
WASHINGTON D.C. – After an estimated 113 million Americans tuned in to watch Super Bowl LIX, the nation arose Monday morning to discover that Canadian forces had used the opportunity to once aga...
NFL updates ‘No More Racism’ end zone message by removing the ‘No’
NEW ORLEANS, LA – The NFL has announced that the prominent end zone messages of “No More Racism” will be updated for Super Bowl LIX between the Kansas City Chiefs and Philadelphia Eagles on Sund...
Tampax encourages women to channel their rage into bigger, better periods
LOS ANGELES – With Donald Trump’s second presidential term underway, feminine hygiene brand Tampax has unveiled a bold new marketing strategy encouraging women to harness the sense of anger, disbelief...
Disney announces new Lion King prequel film about bug who gets eaten by Timon
Serengeti, Disney – After many successful sequels and prequels, Disney has announced plans to finally make a film explaining the origin of the bug shown on screen for 2 seconds before Timon eats...
Trudeau quietly sends “U up” DMs to rest of world’s economies
OTTAWA – Following a weekend where US President Donald Trump suddenly backed down from a threat to impose 25% tariffs on Canada, Prime Minister Justin Trudeau has been observed sliding into the ...
Next season on Bluey – Bluey’s mom makes a mistake
Brisbane, Australia – The creators of Bluey have unveiled a massive spoiler for the next season: Bluey’s mum Chili will make a mistake for the first time in the show’s history. The number one mo...
Furious Poilievre criticizes Trump tariffs for uniting Canadians
OTTAWA – Following a tumultuous weekend in which Donald Trump threatened Canada with steep tariffs on all goods, only to back down, Conservative leader Pierre Poilievre angrily criticized the US...
Single Canadian guy actually smuggling fentanyl to US really flattered by task force
WINDSOR, ON – Derryl Virkin, the sole Canadian who has been smuggling negligible amounts of fentanyl across the US border, has reported feeling “really flattered and kinda giddy but also kinda w...