EDMONTON – ABS Innovations newest hire quit today citing the immense psychological strain from the pressure of having to deliver a sufficiently “fun” fact about herself in her first week. Mica R...
Smelly man rebrands himself as savoury man
EDMONTON – Greg Abbott, a formerly smelly man, has decided to describe himself as savoury after many besmirchings of his scent. “Smelly is a childish insult that shouldn’t be used to describe a...
Nation’s mothers hail 18-year-old tennis champion Victoria Mboko as new unattainable standard for you to live up to
OTTAWA – Following Canadian tennis phenom Victoria Mboko’s victory at the National Bank Open final, the Canadian Association Of Pressuring Mothers has proclaimed her as their new baseline ...
Pros and Cons of solving traffic congestion by building a big ass tunnel under the 401
Doug Ford continues to push ahead with plans to dig a 19.5 metre wide, multi-story tunnel under the 401 in order to solve the issue of traffic congestion once and for all. Here are some of the pros an...
Elon Musk releases new baby name book, “From Arargnft to Zrrfppfortt”
BOCA CHICA, TEXAS – Troubled businessman and 53-year-old memelord Elon Musk has once again made headlines with a new business venture, announcing the release of his new baby name book “From Arar...
Apple TV+ spends $1 billion on the perfect film, then burns it as a tax write-off
Cupertino, CA- Apple TV+, the free-spending streaming service run as a ploy to lower its parent company’s tax bill, announced today that it has financed, produced, and set fire to a monument of ...
North York condo penthouse boasts dazzling views of absolutely nothing
Move over Burj Khalifa, you’ve got to check out this just listed North York penthouse condo with breathtaking views of nothing whatsoever. Featuring floor to ceiling 360 degree panoramic windows surro...
STUDY: 95% of Millennial birds expect to never own their birdhouses
OTTAWA – A recent survey of birds born in the early 90s shows that three out of four of them expect to never own the birdhouse they live in, and will have to rent from humans forever. “When my p...
Trump says Canada backing Palestinian statehood jeopardizes U.S. trade deal he was gonna break anyway
WASHINGTON D.C. – U.S.President Donald Trump has announced that Canada’s decision to recognize Palestinian statehood will “make it very hard for us to make a Trade Deal with them, which I had no...
Home prices plummet from ‘not a fucking chance’ to ‘look into buying for 5 seconds before giving up’ levels
“If prices keep falling we could even get to ‘talk to your bank and get quickly laughed out of the room’ levels. We haven’t been that low since 2019!” Luke and the Panel ...
