SULLIVAN, MAINE – U.S. Senate candidate Graham Platner has announced that he is suspending his campaign after running out of glaring warning signs that he is unfit for public office. “In t...
PlayStation customers announce removal of physical bodies from stores
NEW YORK – PlayStation customers are facing backlash after announcing their decision to stop physically appearing to purchase Sony products. “Our customers really screwed the pooch on this one,”...
Blurred Zoom background fails to conceal that coworker is in jail
TORONTO – Employees at a local software firm were surprised yesterday when one of their colleagues attempted to use Zoom’s “blur my background” feature to hide the fact he is currently incarcera...
Poilievre vows to “fight woke culture” following new galactic disco cowboy makeover
CALGARY – Addressing a rally of Conservative voters at the Calgary Stampede, Opposition Leader Pierre Poilievre has vowed to “reinstill a warrior culture, not a woke culture”, thanks...
Trump declares 100% tariff on waffles
WASHINGTON D.C. – With Belgium defeating the United States team 4-1 to knock them out of the World Cup, U.S. President Trump has declared a 100% tariff on all waffle imports. “This decisio...
Male Loneliness Crisis temporarily solved by World Cup
NORTH AMERICA – The much-discussed epidemic of male loneliness has reportedly been resolved, for just the duration of the 2026 FIFA World Cup. Across North America, the feelings of widespread so...
Nova Scotia to rebrand as “Newer Brunswick”
HALIFAX – In a surprise move, the province of Nova Scotia has announced that it will be undergoing a complete rebranding and officially changing its name to “Newer Brunswick” as early as next sp...
Mark Carney promises to take climate change seriously once every other problem on Earth is solved
OTTAWA – After receiving criticism this week for abandoning the Trudeau-era climate plan, Prime Minister Mark Carney has assured Canadians worried about the already deadly effects of global warm...
Officials announce new AI Data Centres to calculate why heat dome happening
OTTAWA – With much of Canada and the United States gripped by an unseasonal heat wave, federal officials have announced construction of new natural-gas-intensive data centres, aimed at using art...
Editorial: The Human Rights Museum’s Nakba exhibit ignores the important context that I don’t want to hear about it
By: Martin Olsen The Canadian Museum Of Human Rights’ exhibit on the so-called ‘Nakba’ opened this week to widespread condemnation. And now that I have also not seen it, I would like...
