Page 6 – The Beaverton

Elder Millennial opens zip file of cherished memories

Brandon, MB – While doing some cleaning around her hard drive, local 39-year-old Hannah Greensly has stumbled upon an old zip file containing all her photos from the aughts and is currently taki...

Local car crash victim remembered as “nothing special, if we’re being honest”

SUDBURY, ON ― Friends and family of 23-year-old Seamus Bryant are coming together to express their extreme shock and substantially more moderate grief for what they unanimously described as a “perfect...

Western World to recognize Palestine as a state in September if it’s still there

PARIS/LONDON/OTTAWA – The governments of France, the UK and Canada have said they will do what’s morally right and recognize Palestine’s right to exist as a nation as early as September, providi...

End of days? Shoppers pharmacy answers phone

WINNIPEG – A local Shoppers Drug Mart has spurred rumours of the apocalypse after its pharmacy opted to pick up the phone. The Shoppers pharmacy has become so notorious for its lack of communication w...

a man sitting on a beach in jeans and a black coat, his back to the camera, looking out at the ocean with his feet in the surf and his hands on his head. There's a CD boombox beside him

Man stranded on desert island regrets bringing favourite album instead of flare gun

PACIFIC OCEAN – According to nautical sources, 36-year-old Damian Clarke regrets not bringing fundamental survival supplies to an abandoned island in favour of packing 3 Doors Down’s smash hit debut ...

I’ve been silent for 21 months of genocide, but this one editorial criticizing Israel will prove I’ve always been on the right side of history

By: Martin Olsen, Syndicated Columnist The images coming out of Gaza are horrendous. Mothers holding starving babies, children crying out for food, people collapsing in the street from hunger. They ar...