VANCOUVER – During an announcement with Prime Minister Carney, British Columbia Premier David Eby clarified that his province’s previous anti-pipeline stance has been amended to still be a...
$50 mil for 24 Sussex repairs to be fundraised by Carney starting OnlyFans
“How is this money gonna get raised, they’ll pass the hat? GoFundMe? OnlyFans?” On this special Pride Month episode, Ian MacIntyre (designated ally, he/him) is joined by a special Al...
Kawhi asks Toronto restaurant if that Ka’wine & Dine offer still stands
TORONTO – A few minutes after the announcement that he was being traded back to the Toronto Raptors Kawhi Leonard walked into a Queen street restaurant and asked for a meal on the house. “...
“More, more, keep cutting, cut more!” screams now-bald Carney at terrified barber
OTTAWA, ON ― Suddenly dropping his calm, boring, bankerish public façade, Prime Minister Mark Carney responded to a simple inquiry as to how his haircut was looking so far with a screaming, red-faced ...
Québécois rock duo Angine de poitrine tops Spotify’s global charts, earns enough to pay for Spotify Premium
SAGUENAY, QC – After topping Spotify’s global charts, the Québécois rock duo Angine de poitrine has reportedly earned enough from the streaming service to pay for the equivalent of “one month of Spoti...
Carney announces competition to win blame for 24 Sussex restoration
OTTAWA – Prime Minister Mark Carney has announced a national design-and-build competition for the restoration of 24 Sussex Drive, the winner of which will receive full blame for their efforts. T...
“Democratic socialists are taking over!!” declared about US politicians who would at best be Canadian Red Tories
NEW YORK STATE – In the wake of several progressive Democratic primary victories, American pundits have expressed extreme concern over the victors’ “far left politics” despite ...
Trump, Lutnick, and Hoekstra forget which of them got paid off to halt Gordie Howe Bridge
WINDSOR, ON – Trump administration officials are struggling to remember which of them specifically was bribed by billionaire donors to block the opening of the recently-constructed Gordie Howe B...
Canada cleared to enter Eurovision if they promise not to sing in Canadian French
PRAGUE – After receiving full membership in the European Broadcasting Union following a general assembly vote, Canada has been cleared to enter the popular international Eurovision song contest,...
Padlock left at romantic site the only thing keeping local couple together
MONTREAL, QC – Longtime couple David LeGault and Katie Hu have confirmed that they would have ended their relationship years ago if not for the cheap padlock symbolizing their love they left att...
