WINDSOR, ON – Derryl Virkin, the sole Canadian who has been smuggling negligible amounts of fentanyl across the US border, has reported feeling “really flattered and kinda giddy but also kinda w...
Editorial: Trump underestimates how proud, united and, most importantly, petty Canadians are
By: Chris Standin President Trump has gone ahead with his long rumoured plans to put a 25% tariff on all Canadian goods sold in the United States (other than energy, which got 10%). He believes he can...
5 ways to eroticise Groundhog Day because you’re busy on Valentine’s
The most romantic day of the year is almost here, but what if you’re busy this Valentine’s Day? Don’t start preparing for divorce court just yet; with a little planning and the right attitude, Groundh...
Woman who agrees with Doug Ford halting US liquor also needs that liquor to deal with fact she agrees with Doug Ford
HAMILTON, ON — With Premier Doug Ford ordering Ontario LCBOs to stop selling US alcohol due to President Trump’s tariffs, accountant Marianne Thompson has expressed frustration that she won’t be...
Americans choose most expensive way possible to discover what goods made in Canada
WASHINGTON, D.C. – With US President Donald Trump declaring 25% tariffs on most Canadian goods, American citizens have officially chosen the most circuitous and economically painful method possi...
Injured ham sandwich rushed to Mayo Clinic
ROCHESTER, MN — Reports are coming in that a ham and cheese sandwich suffered a grievous injury in its internal ingredients, necessitating medical evacuation to the Mayo Clinic. “This is about as seri...
Local cat thinks she’s better than you and is probably right
KINGSTON, ON – Following a careful side-by-side comparison between your life and that of that one cat in your neighborhood who acts like you aren’t worth the dirt on her paws, a panel of experts...
Doug Ford points to study that bikes are primary cause of gridlock in apartment building hallways
Toronto, ON – Addressing the media today, Ontario Premier Doug Ford presented compelling new evidence that bicycles – not cars – are the main cause of congestion in apartment building hallways. “My b...
Everything Doug Ford was happy to do without asking for a Mandate from the electorate
Doug Ford has announced Ontarians will go to the polls this February. Even though he is only 2.5 years into his current regime, Ford says he needs “a strong mandate” from the people to dea...
China’s new and cheaper magic beans shock America’s unprepared magic bean salesmen
NEW YORK CITY – America’s magic bean market is in turmoil after a Chinese company unveiled a competing bean that’s less than one tenth the price but still just as useless. “DeepBean’s new beans only r...