MONTREAL, QC – Longtime couple David LeGault and Katie Hu have confirmed that they would have ended their relationship years ago if not for the cheap padlock symbolizing their love they left attached to a bridge in Italy years ago.
“He can’t hold down a job, never cleans up after himself, and always says we’ll watch a Netflix series together but then watches half of it on his own,” Hu said, from the apartment she begrudgingly shares with LeGault. “But every time I think about leaving him, I think about that lock we left in Milan and how many likes it got on Instagram.”
“The worst part is that it was a key lock, so I can’t even hold on to the hope that one day someone will randomly enter the combination by luck and the dumb thing will fall off!”
“All of my friends and family told us we were moving too fast in the relationship by going on vacation together after one year of dating. But it’s still the most romantic thing I’ve ever done for her. By default,” LeGault told the press while taking a break from planning an obligatory flash dance proposal. “Why are people even using locks to symbolize love anyway? You know what else has a lot of locks? Prison!”
“She doesn’t appreciate the lock picking classes I got her for her birthday!”
Those close to the couple have expressed belief that the couple should break up for their mutual well-being, but understand that doing so would reduce their lovelock to an act of minor international vandalism.
“Honestly, it hurts so much seeing them fight at every game night,” states longtime friend Shelloy Nymba. “But he stuck a cheap piece of metal on a bridge in Italy for her, so surely that means there’s something there, right?”
“I just hope that the bridge collapses from the weight of all the locks soon, and then the lock or the fence it’s attached to rusts in the river. Then we’ll know for sure they weren’t meant to be.”
It’s estimated that while 40% of marriages in Canada end in divorce, the remaining 60% are kept together exclusively by lovelocks, hearts carved into trees, or over-the-top tattoos that would be hard to explain to a new partner.
LeGault and Hu are planning to take down the lock on their return trip to Italy, which they are legally obligated to take after flipping a coin in Trevi Fountain.
At press time, the lock in question had been removed by Milan maintenance workers a week after the couple left the country.
