OTTAWA – Tensions between Canada and the United States flared this week when US Ambassador Pete Hoekstra was captured on a live microphone admitting that he regretted his decision to accept…
Nova Scotia to rebrand as “Newer Brunswick”
HALIFAX – In a surprise move, the province of Nova Scotia has announced that it will be undergoing a complete rebranding and officially changing its name to “Newer Brunswick” as early as ne…
Canada cleared to enter Eurovision if they promise not to sing in Canadian French
PRAGUE – After receiving full membership in the European Broadcasting Union following a general assembly vote, Canada has been cleared to enter the popular international Eurovision song con…
Quebec language laws now require all 2026 hurricanes to be named “Jean-Pierre”
QUEBEC – A new language law will require Quebecois meteorologists to stop using the annual list of Atlantic hurricane names generated by the US National Hurricane Center, and instead refer …
New Canadian Content laws specify 55% of pop stars dated by former Prime Ministers must be Canadian
OTTAWA – A recent amendment to Canadian content laws has set a minimum quota for the celebrity partners of former Canadian Prime Ministers, requiring at least 55% of pop stars dated by reti…
Local woman looking forward to 23 days between harsh winter and uncontrollable wildfires
GRAND PRAIRIE – With spring finally underway, 34-year-old resident Inna Bondaruk reports she is looking forward to enjoying the approximately 23 days of tolerable weather between the end of…
“I’m tired of these goddamn tourists” says man whose financial existence depends on them
LUNENBURG, NS – Local resident and business owner Tyson MacNeil expressed his deep disdain for tourists this past Sunday, despite living a life that is only financially possible due to tour…
American soldiers equipped with silencers to avoid waking sleeping stock market
WASHINGTON, DC – As rising tensions in the Persian Gulf bring renewed fears of rising oil prices, US Secretary of Defense Pete Hegseth has reassured the nation that all US soldiers deployed…
Tim Hortons reminds Campbell’s customers that they also make bad soup for poor slobs
TORONTO – Following the news that a top Campbell’s executive was fired after being caught on microphone calling the company’s soups “shit for poor people”, Tim Hortons have released a state…
US confirms contestants in all 2028 Olympic track events will be chased by ICE agents
WASHINGTON, DC – In a press conference today, US Press Secretary Karoline Leavitt confirmed that all non-US track and field athletes will be chased by agents of United States Immigration an…
