HALIFAX – In a surprise move, the province of Nova Scotia has announced that it will be undergoing a complete rebranding and officially changing its name to “Newer Brunswick” as early as next spring.
“The name ‘Nova Scotia’ is Latin for ‘New Scotland’, and we have proudly borne that name since the first Royal Charter establishing a Scottish colony on these lands was granted in 1621. We honour our centuries of Scottish heritage, and our decision to rebrand is in no way an attempt to distance ourselves from our roots,” said Dave Ritcey, Minister of Communities, Culture, Tourism and Heritage.
“But the time has come for us to choose a name that reflects the new and unique culture we have developed together over the last 400 years – namely, our proud culture of dunking on New Brunswick at every possible opportunity. Eat shit, New Brunswick. We’re the Newest Brunswick now.”
The Minister went on to explain that Cape Breton Island will also be renamed “Princelier Edward Island: Home of Anne of Greener Gables” the following year, to ensure that Nova Scotia achieves total cultural domination over the Maritimes.
Residents of Nova Scotia have had mixed reactions to news of the rebranding.
“On the one hand, I’m glad this is going to piss off New Brunswick. They think they’re so great, with their high tides and magnetic hills and bilingual stop signs. It’s time they got taken down a peg or two,” said 41-year-old Dartmouth resident Alan McDonald. “But on the other hand, I’m going to need a new East Coast Lifestyle shirt with the new name and those things are like 60 bucks now. So that kinda sucks.”
When asked if he was concerned that tourists looking for New Brunswick may be disappointed at accidentally finding themselves in Nova Scotia, the Minister was unable to provide a comment, as he laughed so hard he reportedly required medical attention.
