TORONTO – In a special offer The Beaverton has graciously offered to let Doug Ford escape from his embarrassing ‘I bought myself a private jet with taxpayer money’ scandal this …
Party that exists only to obtain power not sure what to do now
OTTAWA – Following two by-election wins that have allowed the Liberal Party of Canada to finally cement an electoral majority, Prime Minister Mark Carney has admitted that the party has abs…
Max Scherzer re-signs with Blues Jays for chance to win, get even with guy who cut him off on DVP
DUNEDIN, FL – In an effort to address unresolved trauma from the 2025 season, veteran pitcher ‘Mad’ Max Scherzer announced he will re-sign with the Toronto Blue Jays to give himself another shot …
Trump threatens tariffs on champagne so nobody can celebrate when he dies
WASHINGTON D.C. – Following a whirlwind week at Davos, and despite backtracking on threats to annex Greenland, US President Donald Trump is still threatening to tariff Champagne to keep people fr…
Elon Musk achieves dream of automating child sex abuse
AUSTIN, TX – World’s richest man Elon Musk has achieved another lifelong milestone goal, this time training his artificial intelligence program Grok to make it easier than ever for us…
American media’s cowardice no match for Canadian media’s incompetence
TORONTO – As CBS News under Bari Weiss leads the charge of American media kowtowing to the Trump administration by deleting a story about the torture of migrants, there is one thing they di…
Canadian Ambassador resigns after Pete Hegseth accidentally blows her up
WASHINGTON D.C. – Canadian Ambassador to the United States Kirsten Hillman has abruptly resigned from her post after Secretary of War Pete Hegseth accidentally launched a high-caliber anti-ship m…
New Stranger Things season draws on nostalgia for 2016 when it was good
HOLLYWOOD, CA – Netflix’s smash hit Stranger Things, which has drawn on influences like E.T., Nightmare On Elm Street, and Back To The Future, has used its recently-released 5th seaso…
OPINION: The AI Crash will all be worth it if I just get to lay just a few thousand people off
by Jameson Varner, CEO I’m the CEO of a major accounting firm, which means I have my finger on the market’s pulse. Both financial and tech journalists have been predicting that artifi…
Danielle Smith uses notwithstanding clause to declare herself premier of B.C.
VICTORIA – British Columbians were shocked today to be informed by Alberta Premier Danielle Smith that she is now the head of the B.C. government after using the notwithstanding clause (sec…
