THE WOODS – After a sweeping victory in the B.C. provincial election that saw the B.C. Conservatives win 64 out of 93 seats, the party is commemorating their win by burning down a large por…
Games Industry Leaders remember Canadian developers just in time to crush them entirely
EDMONTON – In a stroke of luck, key movers and shakers in the video games industry recalled the existence of the incredible talent at Canadian studio Bioware just in time to wipe it from ex…
Nation shocked as Alberta makes good decision
EDMONTON – With 76% of Albertans voting to reject a referendum on leaving Canada, the remainder of Canadians have registered “pleasant shock” at the province’s decision to…
Rogers completes takeover of everything son talks to local dad about
TORONTO – Rogers Communications has announced that with the purchase of Maple Leaf Sports and Entertainment and all its professional sports teams, the telecom giant has also taken full ownership …
Trump becomes only object on Earth exempt from Canadian urge to apologize
CANADA – After beginning a trade war with Canada over its refusal to join the United States, Donald Trump this week said he expects Canada to come to him and say “sir, we are sorry,” for th…
Tech oligarchs agree calling AI “too dangerous” way cooler than just admitting it doesn’t work
SILICON VALLEY – The CEOs of OpenAI, Anthropic, and GrokAI have released a statement agreeing that claiming artificial intelligence “could potentially kill all humans” sounds mu…
Trump reminisces about how he single-handedly prevented 9/11 from ever happening
WASHINGTON, D.C. — US President Donald Trump waxed nostalgic about how he single-handedly prevented the September 11 terrorist attacks from ever happening. Trump told a group of supporters that, …
Google Maps changes name to Lake America after people start to forget tech giants also pretty awful
MOUNTAIN VIEW, CA – Google Maps has changed the name of Lake Ontario to “Lake America” for their U.S. users, after realizing President Trump’s willful malevolence had dist…
Rogers Centre posts detailed instructions on how to get to Rogers Stadium at every entrance
TORONTO – Following reports that thousands of people have mistakenly shown up to Rogers Centre for concerts happening at Rogers Stadium, the Rogers Centre has installed brand new signs outside ea…
Mark Carney promises to take climate change seriously once every other problem on Earth is solved
OTTAWA – After receiving criticism this week for abandoning the Trudeau-era climate plan, Prime Minister Mark Carney has assured Canadians worried about the already deadly effects of global…
