TORONTO – In a special offer The Beaverton has graciously offered to let Doug Ford escape from his embarrassing ‘I bought myself a private jet with taxpayer money’ scandal this afternoon, by selling us the jet for $7,000.00
“Look, everyone knows a private jet loses 20% of its value as soon as you fly it off the lot,” said Beaverton editor-in-chief Luke Gordon Field. “This may not be Therme Spa money, but we promise to give every Ontarian a free turn on the plane.”
“A sign-up sheet will be posted,” he added.
Ford purchased the plane as part of the PC Government’s plan to test what it can get away with before voters finally object. When multiple uses of The Notwithstanding Clause and standard ‘Daughter’s Wedding’ levels of corruption didn’t do it, they decided to go for broke by buying a private jet they didn’t need.
When contacted a representative for the Government said the Province was willing to consider the Beaverton’s offer, but balked at the price.
“The jet is in excellent shape. Premier Ford only used it for Sunday drives to and from the cottage, plus the occasional stop to pick up a kickback from a Developer who didn’t want to deal with weekend traffic.”
Asked how The Beaverton will afford the $7,000.00 purchase price and estimated $5,000.00 monthly carrying costs, given the state of digital media today, Field acknowledged it may be tough.
“We may have to lay off a writer or 10. But we’re adding a new ‘private jet’ tier to our Patreon, so that should help.”
