OTTAWA – U.S. Ambassador to Canada Pete Hoekstra says American officials are warning Canadians not to interfere in the upcoming U.S. midterm elections, while also ordering them to prepare to acc...
Carney calls on world to invest in one of Canada’s 6 companies
OTTAWA – Prime Minister Mark Carney is continuing to beat the drum on international investment, calling on business leaders and countries from around the world to invest in one of Canada’s six c...
Elon Musk, two racist uncles, left to do all Alberta Separatist posting after Russian bot farm goes offline
CALGARY – In the wake of Ukraine’s successful drone strikes on Russia’s Yandex data centres, which have allegedly caused bot activity to plummet across the web, the entirety of pro-A...
Trump demands all Americans chip in $20 to send to Russia
CLARKSVILLE, TN – During a midterm campaign rally, U.S. President Donald Trump thrilled his supporters by ordering them, as well as every other American, to personally mail $20 to Russian Presid...
Doug Ford vows to protect Ontario’s vulnerable crony industry
QUEEN’S PARK – Ontario Premier Doug Ford has promised that despite the ongoing economic uncertainty in the province, which he constantly exacerbates by responding to US President Donald Tr...
Pete Hegseth carefully weighing whether livestreamed execution will be sponsored by FanDuel or Nashville Fried Chicken Doritos
WASHINGTON D.C. – Addressing the Joint Chiefs of Staff, Secretary of War Pete Hegseth carefully laid out a variety of options for which brand would sponsor his upcoming livestreamed public execu...
Charming 1980s playground has body count higher than Dahmer
EDMONTON — Local historians say a quaint suburban playground from the early 1980s is responsible for more deaths than infamous American serial killer and cannibal Jeffrey Dahmer. The un-named playgrou...
Furious Trump rails against Canadian Anne Carson winning Nobel Prize in Literature
WASHINGTON D.C. – Following the announcement of Canadian poet Anne Carson as this year’s Nobel Prize in Literature recipient, President Donald Trump unleashed an online tirade insisting he...
Desperate Brad Bradford adds another Brad to his name
TORONTO – Election day in Toronto is fast approaching, and polls continue to show Mayor Olivia Chow with a lead over challenger Brad Bradford. So, in a desperate effort to court the bland, middle-aged...
Polymarket offering bets on next produce that gives everyone diarrhea
NEW YORK – With a recall issued for Taylor Farms lettuce in the wake of a cyclospora outbreak, several new betting lines have opened up in the online predictions market Polymarket as to which li...
