HALIFAX – A sales manager in your building has broken the pleasant quiet of the Monday morning elevator ride to ask a group of strangers yet another deeply inconsiderate personal question. While…
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Poilievre confident THIS endorsement from an alt right conspiracy theorist won’t blow up in his face
OTTAWA – After receiving praise from Infowars host and conspiracy theorist Alex Jones, Pierre Poilievre has expressed confidence that unlike past endorsements, this one will certainly not b…
Country that took 11 days to mourn symbol of colonialism takes day to honour victims of colonialism
NATIONWIDE – Canadians that recently took 11 days to mourn the death of Queen Elizabeth II, a symbol of colonialism, have also taken September 30th to honour victims of said colonialism. “I…
Ketchup Caesar named Canada’s inflation cocktail
LEAMINGTON, ON – As budgets tighten, ketchup has stepped up once again for the everyman. To say thanks, the Ketchup Caesar was just named Canada’s official inflation cocktail by the Professional …
Everything you need to know about Pierre Poilievre
Pierre Poilievre has been elected leader of the Conservative Party of Canada. And if you didn’t follow the race closely you might be wondering ‘who is this person?’ Is he horrib…
Immersive art experience really just for only two senses
TORONTO – While attending the Immersive Van Gogh exhibit, visitors were disappointed that despite being advertised as immersive, the experience involved only two senses, seeing and hearing.…
Horse cops refusing to clean up their shit feels like too easy a metaphor
TORONTO – Earlier this week Toronto city reporter Glyn Berton penned an op-ed about Horse Cops refusing to clean up their shit as a larger metaphor for the problems of policing in the city.…
Jealous O’Toole orders staffers to throw rocks at him
GATINEAU, QC – Conservative Leader Erin O’Toole has instructed his staff to throw rocks at him at his next election event. “Jimmy, this sympathy [Trudeau] is getting in the press is not fai…
Drunken Habs GM sends 2am offer sheets to Hurricane Ida, “Oh Carolina” by Shaggy and Tottenham’s Harry Kane
MONTREAL – Montreal Canadiens General Manager Marc Bergevin submitted three bizarre offer sheets in the wee hours of the morning to NHL head offices. He commandeered the Habs Twitter accoun…
NHL announces Canucks’ current season will still be happening at beginning of next season
VANCOUVER – The NHL has announced that, in order to get their full 56-game season in the books, the Vancouver Canucks will be continuing to play games from the 2020-2021 during the 2021-202…