TORONTO – While attending the Immersive Van Gogh exhibit, visitors were disappointed that despite being advertised as immersive, the experience involved only two senses, seeing and hearing.…
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Horse cops refusing to clean up their shit feels like too easy a metaphor
TORONTO – Earlier this week Toronto city reporter Glyn Berton penned an op-ed about Horse Cops refusing to clean up their shit as a larger metaphor for the problems of policing in the city.…
Jealous O’Toole orders staffers to throw rocks at him
GATINEAU, QC – Conservative Leader Erin O’Toole has instructed his staff to throw rocks at him at his next election event. “Jimmy, this sympathy [Trudeau] is getting in the press is not fai…
Drunken Habs GM sends 2am offer sheets to Hurricane Ida, “Oh Carolina” by Shaggy and Tottenham’s Harry Kane
MONTREAL – Montreal Canadiens General Manager Marc Bergevin submitted three bizarre offer sheets in the wee hours of the morning to NHL head offices. He commandeered the Habs Twitter accoun…
NHL announces Canucks’ current season will still be happening at beginning of next season
VANCOUVER – The NHL has announced that, in order to get their full 56-game season in the books, the Vancouver Canucks will be continuing to play games from the 2020-2021 during the 2021-202…
Canada’s Wonderland offers $20 souvenir photos of you getting your vaccine
VAUGHAN – Canada’s Wonderland, which is closed to the public but has been operating as a drive-thru vaccination clinic since March, has announced it is now offering souvenir photos in a lit…
Hospital interior designer thinking off-white theme for this room
VANCOUVER – Hospital interior designer Shannon Kimble was struck by inspiration today and announced she’s strongly considering going with an off-white theme for patient room A03. “It just h…
Hundreds of Millennials treated for bruised egos after trying to middle-part hair
LETHBRIDGE – Doctors across Canada have been overwhelmed by a sudden surge of Millennials being treated for bruised egos and wounded pride after trying to middle-part their hair. “We’re st…
COVID-19 variants eager to represent their countries at the Tokyo Olympics
TOKYO, JAPAN ― Variants of SARS-COV-2 hailing from countries around the world are gearing up for the 2021 Summer Olympics. “Man, I hope they don’t postpone the Olympics again,” commented the Sout…
Local Woman’s Exes All On Same Tree-Planting Trip
KELOWNA, BC – 28-year old Torontonian Poncy Robins thought her tree-planting trip to BC was the perfect escape from the weariness of the second COVID lockdown, only to find upon arrival tha…