WASHINGTON, D.C. – Following Tuesday’s “Blue Wave” midterm elections, Senator Chuck Schumer is reportedly already hard at work on a long list of reasons why President Trump can …
Desperate Brad Bradford adds another Brad to his name
TORONTO – Election day in Toronto is fast approaching, and polls continue to show Mayor Olivia Chow with a lead over challenger Brad Bradford. So, in a desperate effort to court the bland, middle…
Carney announces $1.2B investment to protect oceans from his own climate policy
VANCOUVER – Prime Minister Mark Carney has announced more than one billion dollars in federal funding to keep the ocean safe from the consequences of his own actions. “As an Oxford-trained econom…
Hilroy to remove additional province from map of Canada every year until demands met
MISSISSAUGA, ON – Earlier this week Canadians noticed that Hilroy had excluded Newfoundland and Cape Breton from the map of Canada on the cover of their latest notebooks. Today, the company confi…
Five tips to avoid prematurely releasing your referendum announcement
You aren’t alone. It happens to every majority government. One minute, you’re engaged in a lively debate at a bipartisan committee meeting. The next thing you know, the press release you already …
Every candidate in NDP leadership race comes in third
Winnipeg, MB – The results are in: All five candidates running to be the next leader of the NDP have finished in third place. “Obviously, this isn’t the result I was hoping for,” said candidate …
Help! The cast of Mr. D won’t stop reuniting
Halifax, NS – The stars of beloved Canadian sitcom Mr. D reunited for some adorable pictures over the weekend, but fans and producers are begging them to stop. “We’re begging Gerry to promote Fam…
28-year-old really enjoying early twenties
Miramichi, NB – Navigating adulthood can be challenging, but for 28-year-old Shawn Walker, life in his early twenties couldn’t be better. “I wasn’t sure about this new life stage at first,” said …
Doubles Luge canceled as Olympics runs out of condoms
CORTINA, ITALY — Following the news that the 2026 Milano Cortina Winter Olympics had run out of condoms, the International Olympic Committee was forced to call off the doubles luge event. “Today …
WEATHER REPORT: Get ready for a wet ass February
Toronto/Vancouver/Winnipeg/Montreal/Ottawa/etc. – It’s official: We’re in for one wet ass February, fuckers. According to February experts, the shortest month of the calendar will also be the we…
