New law makes it legal to key anti-lockdown protestors’ cars
OTTAWA – The federal government passed a new law this morning making it legal for any Canadian, of any age, to key anti-lockdown protestors’ cars. “Obviously vigilante justice a…
Half-vaxxed man goes back to work, leaves un-vaxxed half at home
HAMILTON, ON – Alf Keeling, a 37-year-old marketing manager recently got his first dose of the Moderna vaccine, and was given the OK to return to working in his office – but only the …
Experts advise melting down your Golden Globes to make an Oscar
LOS ANGELES, CA – With Tom Cruise returning his Golden Globe awards over allegations of a lack of diversity and ethics at the Hollywood Foreign Press Association, PR professionals recommend…
City of Ottawa announces $2.9 million housing program for Porsches
OTTAWA – The City of Ottawa has announced a generous contribution to a public housing development that will provide needy Porsches unable to find luxury homes and four car garages. Througho…
NHL announces Canucks’ current season will still be happening at beginning of next season
VANCOUVER – The NHL has announced that, in order to get their full 56-game season in the books, the Vancouver Canucks will be continuing to play games from the 2020-2021 during the 2021-202…
4 COVID-Safe activities to do this summer if Doug Ford’s buddies say it’s OK
After 14 months of COVID we’re all anxious to get back to fun summer activities. Unfortunately it doesn’t seem like we’ll be fully vaccinated until September/October, but there …
Report: Casa Loma just some rich guy’s house
TORONTO – After decades of research, local historian Dr. Suraj Burnman has conclusively reported that Casa Loma is just some rich guy’s house. “The way people from Toronto talk about it, yo…
Quëbéc’s nêw Bill 96 will introducé swêèping changês to èxisting Ënglish languagê laws
Montrëal — Thë massivê Frënch-languagë réform bill, Bill 96, would ênablé thè Québécois govèrnmènt to ènact swéêping mêasurès for thé purposé of protëcting thè Frénch languagê. Thé Bill contains …
Anti-mask rally participants contract strange, airborne disease
TORONTO – Rally participants in an anti-lockdown protest in Toronto on Saturday reported they had become ill with some kind of strange, flu-like virus. “I thought at first I couldn’t breath…
Nation’s slashers applaud decision to reopen summer camps
MONT-LAURIER, QC — After being shuttered last year due to the pandemic, summer camps in several provinces have begun preparations to reopen in anticipation of hosting throngs of excited campers a…
