Ah, Halloween. A season of skeletons, ghosts, and the scariest thing of all: human relationships. Flowers and diamonds are all well and good, but nothing declares your love to the world like a couples’ costume. Of course, one must then ask the question: what does this costume say about how long your relationship will last?
Let’s dive in.
1. Gomez and Morticia
Until you realize you have never been, nor will you ever be, that horny for each other.
2. Jack and Sally
Until one of you stops shopping at Hot Topic.
3. Louis and Lestat
From the book or TV series: until one of you realizes you want kids.
From the movie: until one of you becomes a Scientologist.
4. Milk & Cookies/PB&J/Mac and Cheese/etc.
Until one of you develops a weird food allergy and/or goes keto.
5. Group costume with one or more other couples
If you’re monogamous: until one of you discovers polyamory.
If you’re poly: until one of you rediscovers monogamy.
6. Grad student and whatever grad student is studying
Until they decide to do a postdoc.
7. Incredibly niche reference that only gay people will get
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If you’re gay: until at least next Pride.
If you’re straight: until one of you realizes you’re gay.
8. Nothing because you decided to stay home eating candy and watching movies together
