JASPER BC—According to sources close to the matter, primarily their quietly baffled cat, Muffins, Hannah Mitchell and Victor Chang successfully spent five straight hours on Friday date night refu…
Tag: relationships
Woman really impressed by how much date knows about DraftKings
EDMONTON – Local woman Melissa Orlon has reported that she is “over the moon” and “soooo blown away” by the depth of familiarity, passion and expertise her date of last night had for the on…
Toronto couple living in tiny home enjoy tiny fight about tiny affair
Toronto, ON – A millennial Toronto couple who recently moved into a trendy new tiny home is enjoying their first tiny fight about a tiny affair. “My wife discovered a tiny photo on my phone…
Tinder guy concerned after photo of woman reveals she has physical body
Tinder, iPhone – Local Tinder user Mack Smith has reconsidered messaging a woman on Tinder after seeing concerning photos hinting that she might occupy physical space. “I saw the name ‘Vero…
Editorial: Women must date unpleasant men, and we’re not just saying that because we’re unpleasant men
By The Beaverton Editorial Board A spectre is haunting dating – the spectre of women not dating men like us. Dating and marriage used to be simple. A man chose a woman, her father approved,…
Report: Hot person’s soulmate also hot
VICTORIA, BC – In a completely unexpected turn of events, local heartthrob and solid 9.5, Mark Steele, has reportedly discovered his soulmate who, in a jaw-dropping twist of fate, is also s…
Streamer describes relationship with girlfriend as “Soulslike”
Twitch, Ontario – Local video streamer DubLub has described his current relationship relationship as a “Soulslike.” “It’s not for everyone,” continued DubLub. “But it really is an amazing e…
Parents wondering why you’re wasting your time trying to find a partner you like
YOUR PARENTS HOUSE – In the never-ending series of life choices you’ve made that baffle your parents, today they are wondering why you’re wasting your time trying to find a partner you like…
Local fiancé insists that buying wedding rings in bulk is totally normal
CAMPBELLVILLE, ON ― Local man Tanner Kendall recently reassured his fiancée, Selena O’Neil, that he was buying his wedding rings in a 4-pack because it’s cheaper, and definitely not because he ha…
Curler’s boyfriend dreading being told to “hurry hard” in bed
GRIMSBY, ON ― 34-year-old Garret Larsen, boyfriend of local skip Eliza Dupont, has admitted that her tendency to compare their sex life to curling is starting to wear a little thin. “It was funny…
