Niagara, ON – Today 29-year-old Marcia Fitzgibbons discovered a novel approach to celebrating Valentine’s Day while single: completely icing out every last man on this godforsaken earth, an…
Tag: relationships
New study finds link between vaping and dating someone named Cody
WASHINGTON, DC- Health officials across the globe are closely monitoring the effects of vaping following a damning report out of the CDC which found a link between regular e-cigarette usage and a…
Trendy sex store introduces ketogenic edible underwear
DIDSBURY, AB – A local sex shop is updating its inventory in an effort to meet the demands of modern lifestyle trends. Melanie Ortassia, manager of the popular adult store “Sex, Drugs, and …
Boyfriend not sure about this “top sheet” thing
SACKVILLE, NS – Local boyfriend Robert Bell is voicing concerns about the top-sheet that was recently installed on his double twin bed by girlfriend Nila Joshi. “I already have a sheet!” Be…
Couple with great sex life looking to spice things up in the kitchen
KELOWNA, BC – After two years of consistently mind blowing sex, Greg Hayes and Lauren Morgan Clark are ready to take their relationship to the next level and start cooking together. “Greg a…
‘Did you know I’m not drinking alcohol this month?’ says woman to her empty bed
TORONTO – After a long and thoughtful self-care journey, Valerie Duncan has decided to give up drinking this month. A decision she has specifically chosen to disclose to her cold, empty bed…
75% of dogs’ nighttime anxiety caused by humans having sex in front of them
VANCOUVER – A new study from the University of British Columbia has officially proven that – similar to humans – dogs feel acute anxiety at nighttime, and that this anxiety is d…
‘Chivalry is dead,’ whines man who has never once presided over a village of unwashed peasants
TORONTO – After a disappointing first date in which he felt his romantic gestures went unappreciated, Mike Peterson mourned the demise of chivalry, despite having never led an army, compete…
Second base now redefined as eating ass
PETERBOROUGH, ON – Due to a growing increase in sexual expression and a more prevalent hookup culture, the long-standing system of “bases” used to define the progression of sexual acts have…
Toronto Sun hires eugenics expert to write new dating column
TORONTO – As part of their agenda to fight against the erosion of traditional Canadian values, The Toronto Sun announced today that they will be hiring a world-renowned eugenicist to write …