Millennial woman horrified to learn she just wakes up early now
Dartmouth, NS – A millennial woman has been horrified to discover that she just wakes up early now, all on her own. Brittany Austin, 31, made the frightening discovery last weekend, when she atte…
Local man learned not to trust media when he realized Pingu wasn’t speaking French
Thunder Bay, ON – Local man Matt Rabbior advised that his life long distrust of the “media-industrial complex” began when he was 14 and realized that the children’s clayma…
Friends reunion mostly cast discussing how Frasier was better
LOS ANGELES, CA – The cast and crew of the highly anticipated Friends reunion special have admitted that the episode is primarily devoted to them talking about how Frasier was the vastly superior…
“Birkenstocks are super comfy” reports woman with bloody, cut-up feet
Peterborough, ON – Local woman Jane Waite has been telling friends how comfortable her new Birkenstock sandals are, despite the numerous cuts, blisters and open wounds visible. “I cou…
5 Gifts to buy your pregnant friend after you said “sorry” instead of “congratulations”
So, it happened. You’ve spent so many years helping your rhythm-method-loving friends fix their mistakes that you completely missed the turning point when everyone’s pregnancies became on p…
Quebec demands all emojis remove hijabs
QUEBEC – After a unanimous decision in the Quebec legislature on Wednesday, the provincial government motioned that all emojis remove hijabs for Quebec representation. “Other nations …
Anti-lockdown protestors compare Canada to the Nineteen Eighty-Four Wikipedia page
WINNIPEG – As anti-lockdown rallies continue in COVID hotspots across the country, several protestors compared the public health measures to the totalitarian ideology summarised on the Wikipedia …
Toronto Police leave homeless encampment in peace after residents say they’re just a 24 hour anti-mask protest
TORONTO – After weeks of clearing unhoused individuals from Toronto parks in the middle of a Pandemic, Toronto Police finally left the residents outside Lamport Stadium alone after they sai…
Super flower blood moon trying way too hard to be interesting
News in Photos…
Father forbids Pfizer-vaccinated daughter to date Moderna-vaccinated boy
MILTON, ON – Reaffirming that his family is a “Pfizer family,” local father Harold Ludwig has forbidden his daughter Donna from dating a teenage “Moderna bad boy.” “I’m putting my foot down…
