WINNIPEG – Local crisis workers have sent 32-year-old Ronald Alexander to Victoria General Hospital for psychological tests following disturbing reports that he has “never put money down on a single sporting event” and how he, more concerningly, “likes to watch sports for fun.”
News of Ronald’s fandom has shocked those close to him, as many assumed he liked watching hockey, basketball, and the CFL because he had skin in the game.
“I can’t imagine watching any sport without putting down at least $2 on a prop bet, let alone watching the CFL…” said one of Ronald’s co-workers at River City Auto Group. “Like I might watch the Grey Cup, but that’s only if I can bet on the coin toss, how long the anthem is, or the over-under on the TV ratings. Otherwise, I don’t see the point in watching any sport if I can’t obsessively update my betting apps.”
And while some suspected Ronald was a closeted “sports fanatic,” crisis workers were not contacted until Ronald admitted to his supervisor how he had never even participated in a March Madness pool.
“Everyone at the office was getting in on the action, putting down fifty, a hundred dollars…” Ronald’s supervisor told reporters. “But when he told me how he was afraid he wouldn’t be able to enjoy the games if there was money involved, that’s when I knew he was in crisis and needed help.”
Following Ronald’s admittance, his wife of four years, Hilary, told reporters how she hoped he would receive treatment to help him manage his fandom, or at least teach him how to monetize it.
“I’m okay with him watching or buying tickets to see the Jets. He seems to find a lot of joy in it… but if he’s not harassing players on social media whenever they fail to win him a bet, I don’t see the point in it.”
When reached for comment, a representative from Victoria General Hospital said how they are treating Ronald’s case very seriously and that they are considering all treatment options, including sending him to a gambling addiction centre to get him addicted to gambling.
