O’Toole urges Canadians to punish Trudeau for calling election, really punish him, yes, HARDER - The Beaverton
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O’Toole urges Canadians to punish Trudeau for calling election, really punish him, yes, HARDER

RUSSELL, ONT. – At a recent campaign stop, Conservative leader and PM hopeful Erin O’Toole made it clear he wants the Canadian public to absolutely humiliate Trudeau in the election, break him down to a weeping dog boy, mmm-hmm.

“Justin Trudeau called an expensive election, a 600 million dollar power grab, he’s trying to grab all the power, are you gonna let him grab the power or are you gonna grab his power, you gotta grab his power right back, just take hold and grab it. GRAB IT!” O’Toole said, to a surprised but intrigued audience of voters and journalists.

“This is an election about whether or not we reward Justin Trudeau for breaking his promise and calling an unnecessary election. Bad daddies break promises, bad daddies need to be punished for breaking promises, punish him, punish the bad daddy, Canada,” O’Toole continued.

A single loud “woo” was heard from the crowd at this point, but was quickly shushed as the assembled group strained to listen while vigorously fanning themselves with their copies of the Conservative election platform.

“Justin Trudeau isn’t interested in a serious debate about issues, the only thing that matters to him is HIS job, he’s obsessed with HIS job, it’s all about HIS job. I care about ALL the jobs, ALL kinds of jobs, not just one job, many jobs, so many jobs for Canadians, if you elect me, so many jobs,” O’Toole promised, before taking a quick break to catch his breath.

“Justin Trudeau started this election but you can finish it,” O’Toole said, really emphasizing the words ‘finish’ and ‘it’ by raising his eyebrows and speaking very slowly.

“Say yes to a better future, Canada, say yes to a healthier Canada, say yes to a wealthier Canada, say yes to Canada’s recovery, say YES YES YES!” O’Toole said, banging the side of the podium to emphasize his conclusion.

O’Toole then asked if anyone had any questions but by then everyone in the crowd had started to leave the area, mumbling about how they had to get up early the next day while carefully avoiding making eye contact with everyone else.