…
Dumb Week
Labour shortage leads to downsizing at maternity ward
VANCOUVER – In an alarming turn of events, the maternity ward at St. Paul’s hospital has announced that it will likely be downsizing, apparently due to a severe labour shortage. However, th…
House guest surprised to discover it’s suddenly a faux-pas to fuck the family whale
YORKTON, SK — Jordan Russell was surprised, upon visiting his girlfriend Sara Geisbrecht’s family over the holidays, to discover that they consider it extremely gauche to fuck the family whale. …
Hamburglar’s crime spree escalates to vehicular hamslaughter
MCDONALDLAND – A citywide manhunt has begun for the Hamburglar after his petty criminal streak escalated to include several counts of vehicular hamslaughter. “We do what we can to fight rec…
Baby smells weird again
CALGARY — According to local sources, the Weaver family baby is smelling suspicious again after a brief period of olfactory normality. “Well, it’s not the diaper,” said Michael Weaver, after tak…
Basketball Insider: Get me out, I’m stuck inside a basketball!
Scotiabank Arena, Toronto – It’s that exciting time of year when the NBA season really starts to heat up, but personally, I wish it wouldn’t, because I’m stuck inside one of the basketballs. Help…
Netflix prepares to release prisoners taken during the streaming wars
LOS GATOS, CA – Last week, Netflix posted on their website the release dates of all the prisoners of war they’ve taken throughout the multi-year conflict known as the streaming wars. “With …
Candling session loosens man’s ear wax and extracts three-masted model ship
SAULT STE MARIE — Local high school teacher Matt Giordano received quite the surprise on Tuesday when an ear candling session not only removed a quantity of built-up wax from his ear canal, but e…
