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Rhyming couplet seeks third
STRATFORD-UPON-AVON – Looking to spice up the poem they’re in, a rhyming couplet has posted an online classified that says “Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall and had a great fall, but now we’re waiting…
Doug Ford promises to spend second term undoing harm caused by first term
TORONTO – After un-cancelling the $15 minimum wage increase, Premier Doug Ford is promising Ontarians that, if re-elected, he will spend the entirety of his second term fighting tooth and n…
Sniffling anti-vaxxers finally relent after being offered a lollipop
CANADA ― In an unforeseen turn of events, anti-vaxxers across Canada suddenly announced their willingness to take a Covid shot today, after realizing that lollipops would be available afterward. …
Bettman promises NHL will never allow sexual assault scandal to leak to media ever again
NEW YORK CITY – In the wake of revelations concerning the horrific sexual assault of Kyle Beach and the Chicago Blackhawks subsequent coverup, NHL commissioner Gary Bettman promised players…
Local man suffers stress-induced heart attack while observing NaNoNutWriMovember
HALIFAX, NS – Local man Greg Sanders, 29, was admitted to hospital following an acute stress-induced cardiac episode, a result of his decision to spend all of November growing a moustache, …
45-year old man wondering when he’ll feel like the grown-up in the room
WINNIPEG – 45-year old Jason Kingsley sits in his home wondering when he’ll feel like the grown-up in the room. Kingsley admits that he can vote, buy beer, and rent a car but that’s only b…
“Excuse me, I have a head, it’s a pumpkin,” claims local Horseman
SLEEPY HOLLOW, NY – The figure known colloquially as the ‘Headless Horseman’ is attempting to set the record straight about the status of his cranium and the hurt caused by hund…
Feds to lower flags to quarter-mast on Remembrance Day
OTTAWA – Heritage Canada has announced all Canadian flags will be lowered to quarter mas or “just above shoulder-level” for Remembrance Day. “Instead of making a complicated decision on whe…
Ontario minimum wage workers excited to live off 8 more dime candies a day
TORONTO – In the month since Ontario’s minimum wage went from $14.25 up to $14.35, the province’s workers are celebrating their earnings by adding an additional eight dime candies to …
