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Saskatchewan demands to be recognized as a nation whose main export is ICU patients
REGINA – Saskatchewan Premier Scott Moe has unilaterally declared his province a nation within a nation whose main export are people waiting for intensive care in a better-equipped province…
Doug Ford announces new highway that will exclusively deliver money to property development donors
BRADFORD, ON — Today Premier Doug Ford announced a new highway project which will exclusively allow passage for armoured cars delivering large piles of cash to the wealthy real estate magna…
Canadian Tire unveils crypto Canadian Tire Dollars
TORONTO – Three years after retiring its famed rewards system Canadian Tire, the retailer you go to for patio sets and Old Dutch potato chips, had announced they will bring back the system …
US Border reopening reunites hundreds of Americans with their fake girlfriends
BUFFALO, NY – With the US-Canadian land border reopened for fully vaccinated travelers, hundreds of Americans are excited to be reunited with the fictional significant others they made up t…
Tim Hortons insists Canada is just one more flavoured Iced Capp away from having a unique cultural identity
TORONTO – The national coffee chain Tim Hortons ended decades of academic and political turmoil this past weekend when it declared that Canada is just one or two more flavoured Iced Capps a…
Local toddler says fuck your Daylight Saving Time
Brantford, ON – This morning adorable toddler Liam O’Reilly, 3, declared that Daylight Saving Time was a fucking joke and he would arise at his normal hour, even if that was technical…
New Conservative Party variant raises concerns
OTTAWA – A team of high level health officials are currently tracking a newly-discovered variant of the Conservative Party of Canada. The new variant was first detected among a caucus of Co…
Breaking: YouTube ads all in French again
Waterloo, ON – Reports from the Finkel residence have confirmed that the Youtube ads are all in French again. “I needed a break but I didn’t have time to watch a 22 minute tv sh…
Ford sends unvaccinated hospital workers to long term care facilities to free up more beds
TORONTO – Premier Doug Ford has backtracked on his government’s promise to suspend unvaccinated health care workers and will, instead, send them to long term care facilities to free up more…
