Friend group reschedules Zoom hangout for 86th week in a row

WATERLOO, ON – A local group of friends who all met working at a Second Cup in 2015 have been meaning to have a Zoom catchup since the beginning of the pandemic, and have now rescheduled fo…

Supply chain issues continue to flummox nation’s “guys who know a guy”

VANCOUVER – Distributors continue to struggle with supply chain issues as economies reopen around the world. As a result, Canadians can expect to be waiting longer and paying more whether s…

Alberta Education Ministry assures parents it will stop publishing Nazi propaganda starting now

EDMONTON – The Alberta Ministry of Education has agreed to stop publishing a document that encourages educators to use materials that highlight the positive aspects of Nazi Germany, such as…

Dried dishes left as monument to time someone did the dishes

VICTORIA, BC – In an effort to inspire future generations, local roommates Cam Newton (25) and Rusa Ayad (26) have tacitly decided to leave a drying rack of dishes on the counter for an ind…

Coca-Cola CEO admits the only reason they make mini cans is for dudes to use in their dick pics

ATLANTA – Coca-Cola CEO Bryan O’Malley acknowledged this morning what industry insiders had long suspected: that the only reason the company sells the 222ml mini can version is so guy…

Ottawa LRT restarts after taping 6 buses together

OTTAWA – After a closure lasting nearly 2 months, Ottawa transit officials have restarted the LRT’s Confederation line after taping several transit buses together and placing them on the tr…

Owners refuse to fire Bettman due to his success taking NHL from 4th place league with struggling Canadian teams to 4th place league with struggling American teams

NEW YORK CITY – Despite Gary Bettman’s disastrous handling of the Brad Aldrich scandal, NHL insiders say owners are likely to stick with him as commissioner due to his amazing track r…

Fox’s highest rated new series The Anti-Mask Singer

LOS ANGELES – Fox’s viewership has reached astronomical new heights with its smash new television hit, The Anti-Mask Singer. “This show really speaks to our core audience,” says Fox spokesperson …

Local craft brewery makes world’s first sentient IPA

TORONTO- Local Brewers Jeff King and Karl Bluff have shocked the fans of their local craft brewery by releasing an IPA with such hoppy complexity that the brew has gained sentience.  “It started …

Ford announces new attack ads to air during Ontarians’ dreams

TORONTO – Premier Doug Ford has announced that, in addition to clogging up every news broadcast, sporting event and network drama with commercials attacking Steven Del Duca and Andrea Horwa…