EDMONTON – Running for leader of the UCP on a platform of ‘Alberta First’ Danielle Smith took time today to give reporters her clear ranking of the Canadian provinces.
“Many people think I’m just ripping off Donald Trump by running on a platform of Alberta First,” said Smith. “But it’s simply not true. I plan to govern according to a strict provincial hierarchy that places Alberta at the top and New Brunswick at the very bottom for obvious reasons.”
“Top tier provinces like Alberta, Saskatchewan and the interior of B.C. will be treated kindly, while lower tier provinces like Quebec, Toronto and ‘swick will not get any of our sweet oil.”
Smith’s campaign has released a pyramid chart with Alberta at top, then Saskatchewan and inner B.C. in the second tier. Manitoba, Newfoundland and PEI are in the third tier, followed by Ontario, Quebec, Nova Scotia and coastal B.C. Then a little jut sticking out from the bottom is New Brunswick.
“We mostly ranked according to political and philosophical differences with the people of the provinces, specifically our philosophical belief that people should mostly be white,” said a campaign spokesperson.
“But with New Brunswick it really has nothing to do with their politics or anything. Danielle just really REALLY fucking hates that place.”
Asked how she would rank the territories Smith asked for clarifications about what those were.