Toronto city council announces that plan to make every neighbourhood look the same is ahead of schedule
TORONTO – At a press conference Toronto city councillors advised that the transformation of Toronto’s diverse neighbourhoods into a single grey monolith will be completed by 2025, instead o…
Fred Penner reinvents his music by joining death metal band
WINNIPEG – Canada’s beloved children’s music performer and two-time Juno winner is reinventing his brand of music as lead vocals in a local death metal band. Fred Penner, 70, announced that…
BREAKING: Investigation into vote buying reveals Conservative Party has no real members
OTTAWA – An investigation into vote buying allegations in the Conservative leadership race has led to the discovery that the Conservative Party currently has zero members. “We thought it wa…
Quebec apologizes to citizens still trapped by 1998 ice storm
MONTREAL — A spokesperson for the governments of Montreal and the province of Quebec released official apologies, Sunday, to those still affected by recent weather disturbances, specificall…
Michael Chong Conservative Party Ad
Vote Michael Chong for CPC Leader! Or don’t. See if he gives a fuck.…
Famine demands Colin Kaepernick “stick to sports”
MOGADISHU, SOMALIA- In response to news that NFL quarterback Colin Kaepernick has been instrumental in securing a 60-ton cargo jet and over $1 million in aid to fight the ongoing famine in Somali…
5 classic novels to hide your 2nd grade reading level
Reading is hard. The words just go on and on piling up onto each other until they overwhelm you with their complexity and volume. But the fact that you have the same level of literacy as a 7-year…
Bryan Baeumler’s house now forty stories tall
TORONTO – After four seasons of an HGTV show where he renovates his own house, and one season of another HGTV show where he builds his own house, HGTV star Bryan Baeumler’s house is now for…
‘Randy’ from Trailer Park Boys wins Alberta PC leadership
CALGARY – The character known as ‘Randy’ from the hit Canadian television show Trailer Park Boys has been elected leader of the Alberta PCs in landslide. Wearing an uncharacteristic shirt a…
Local dad picks up perfectly good gravel somebody left by side of road
KELOWNA – This afternoon while driving down Highway 97 with his family, local man Edward Dunn brought his car to a screeching halt after noticing the top-grade gravel that somebody had left…
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