Quebec government maintains Bill 21 isn’t racist, only how they plan to implement it is

QUEBEC CITY – The Quebec government maintained that Bill 21, which forbids public servants in position of authority from wearing religious symbols, is not intrinsically discriminatory. The …

Nation’s short attention span reduces Heritage Minutes to Heritage Seconds

TORONTO – Historica Canada, the makers of the iconic Heritage Minutes, have announced they will no longer be creating 60 second-long clips due to Canadians’ short attention span. Instead, s…

Don’t all these nerdwads realize firing teachers is totally boss?

By: Doug Ford I just don’t get it! Thousands of students protesting at Queen’s Park and for what? Because I did them a favour and fired a bunch a’ dumb teachers who force them to go to school! Th…

Trump to replace outgoing DHS Secretary Nielsen with printed-out Breitbart articles

WASHINGTON, D.C. — With the announcement that Secretary Kirstjen Nielsen will step down from her role, President Trump has announced her replacement to oversee the the Department of Homelan…

Hey, don’t I follow you on Instagram?

BY THAT GUY ON THE BUS Hey there! Hi? Hello? Oh, sorry, totally didn’t see the book and headphones! Hope I’m not bothering you. How are you today? Where are you headed? Oh, the university? Sounds…

“Have you tried meditating?” says woman who just appeared out of nowhere

BANFF, AB — While attempting to enter her car after a particularly stressful day, bank teller Chelsea Ponte was cornered by a woman out of nowhere asking if she had considered meditating as…

NDP offers free tote bag to any member willing to run in federal election

OTTAWA – Struggling to field candidates in all 338 ridings for the 2019 federal election, the NDP is now offering members who decide to run some free perks, including a ‘pretty nice’ NDP br…

Cool! Cheesecake Factory now has a new menu for each stage of grief!

As if Cheesecake Factory didn’t already have something delicious for everyone, from pizza to burgers to amazing desserts, they’ve just unveiled 5 delicious new menus inspired by each of Elizabeth…

Lone actress in war drama proud to represent only woman who participated in WWII

LOS ANGELES – Oscar-winning actress Catherine Lynette was honoured to play the only woman in a cast of 50 in a dramatic new film about World War II, War Hath No Fury. “They asked me to read…

Great Lakes downgraded to Okay Lakes

TORONTO – Following months of painstaking research and discussion, a quorum of the world’s leading lake experts have come to the conclusion that the bodies of water formerly known as the Gr…