OTTAWA – The Canadian Armed Forces’ former head of human resources, Vice-Admiral Hayden Edmundson, has been charged with sexual assault this week in news you’re sure you heard already even thoug...
Diplomats who spent 4 years training for Beijing Olympics furious over boycott
OTTAWA – After Prime Minister Justin Trudeau announced a diplomatic boycott for the upcoming Beijing Olympics, Canada’s diplomats are expressing outrage that they spent so long training fo...
New retirement plan will simply vaporize millennials when they turn 65
TORONTO- To combat the rapidly shrinking amount of jobs that have pensions, alongside wage stagnation and high housing costs that make retirement saving impossible for the majority of young workers, t...
VPD: If you don’t want to interact with our unvaccinated officers, you can simply flee from all police
VANCOUVER – The Vancouver Police Department is assuring Vancouverites worried about interacting with unvaccinated cops that they always have the option of running away from the police instead. “...
Theatre-of-the-mind to be demolished for condominium-of-the-mind
THE HUMAN PSYCHE – Despite numerous fundraisers and letter-writing campaigns held to try and save it, the longstanding theatre-of-the-mind, popularly known as the imagination, is set to close next wee...
Heroic! This ally promises that the onslaught of transphobia will blow over in a decade or so
In a move that is being referred to as “heroic,” “inspiring,” and “well-intended,” cisgender ally Nicholas Carter reassured trans people today that if they just hang in there for another ten years, bl...
Nova Scotian mall insists giant tree will only eat “3 to 4 kids, max” this Christmas
DARTMOUTH, NS – With international media picking up the story of “the creepiest Christmas tree of 2021”, administrators at Mic Mac Mall have assured shoppers that Woody will consume no more than...
Green Party looking for couch to crash on
OTTAWA – With the Green Party potentially shuttering its head office as it struggles with insolvency, sources report that it will be looking for a couch to crash on until it can get back on its feet. ...
Canada announces travel restrictions for vaccines heading to other countries
OTTAWA – In response to the new omicron variant of Covid-19 the Canadian government has announced new travel restrictions, aimed at preventing any vaccines from leaving Canada for other countrie...
FILM REVIEW: Squid Game porn parody gets real weird, real quick
HAMILTON – Hi again, loyal readers! I’m here to give you the inside scoop on everything film and I’m thrilled to tell you all that the newly released porn parody of hit Netflix series Squid Game unsur...
