REGINA – Anna Paulson has been visiting Aisle 15 of the Shoppers Drug Mart at Victoria Square at 12 p.m. every day for over one year mulling over which mask to buy. With eyes wide open and visibl…
Pandemic
Vaccine-hesitant man now forced to pick from weird brands he’s never heard of
MOOSEJAW, SK — After months of hemming and hawing, local pipe-fitter Alvin Cummings finally booked his first-dose vaccination at a local clinic and upon arriving was dismayed to learn that they n…
Lottery travel prizes give vaccinated Albertans chance to bring home exciting new variants
EDMONTON – With the recent announcement that the provincial vaccination lottery will include free air travel and resort vacations as prizes, Albertans are eager to find out if they will soo…
Totally normal doctor recommends getting vaccinated in arm not used for masturbating
EDMONTON – Because the COVID vaccine generally causes soreness in the arm it’s injected into, Dr. Alex Hall has been advising Canadians to get it in their non-masturbation arm. “Many Canadians ar…
Polyamorous NACI officials recommend mixing and matching vaccines, partners
TORONTO — Canada’s National Advisory Committee on Immunization (NACI) updated its guidelines this week to indicate that doses of the Moderna, Pfizer, and AstraZeneca vaccines can be safely combin…
Man too embarrassed to finally ask what COVID is
SASKATOON – 33-year-old Jackson Shepherd still doesn’t know what COVID is and is now way too embarrassed to ask about it. “When I got back from a camping trip last year everyone was talking about…
Ontarians thrilled case numbers down to level that would have terrified them in September
ONTARIO – With daily new cases of Covid-19 now consistently falling below 1200, Ontario citizens are celebrating despite the fact that these numbers would have had them peeing their pants b…
Anti-lockdown protestors compare Canada to the Nineteen Eighty-Four Wikipedia page
WINNIPEG – As anti-lockdown rallies continue in COVID hotspots across the country, several protestors compared the public health measures to the totalitarian ideology summarised on the Wikipedia …
Neat! This person who didn’t take the lockdown seriously is about to get vaccinated before you
TORONTO, ONT – Local resident, Tom Anderson, who didn’t follow any lockdown rules, is about to get vaccinated before you. Awesome! “This pandemic has been very hard,” began Anderson, who ju…
BC apologizes for poor communication, says next pop-up vaccine clinic can be found “when moon and sun intertwine, where waters meet mountain’s spine”
VANCOUVER — After poor communication this week left dozens of people waiting hours for vaccines they would never get, BC Health Minister Adrian Dix formally apologized during the province’s lates…