VICTORIA – After weeks of struggling to adapt their approach to COVID in light of a large testing deficit and a completely unknown amount of infections within the population, the B.C. provi…
Pandemic
Jason Kenney vows to protect Alberta’s vulnerable COVID industry
EDMONTON – Alberta premier Jason Kenney announced today that his administration will work tirelessly to make sure the province’s booming COVID business stays prosperous. “If we allow the Tr…
Beijing’s claims 1st Omicron case ‘arrived through mail’ refuted by anyone who has ever used Canada Post
TORONTO – Claims that the first case of the Omicron variant reported in Beijing ‘arrived on a parcel sent from Canada’ are being met with heavy skepticism by the scientific community as wel…
Quebec to impose financial penalty against unvaccinated, and minorities just for funsies
QUÉBEC CITY – The province of Québec has announced plans to charge a tax on unvaccinated citizens who make up the bulk of COVID hospitalizations, as well as visible religious minorities “ju…
Ontario schools to notify parents about Covid exposures only if child’s head lice contracts virus
OTTAWA – Ontario’s Ministry of Health outlined back-to-school Covid-19 policies for teachers, students, and parents on Monday, explaining that moving forward, parents will only be notified …
Erin O’Toole urges Canadians to accommodate the unvaccinated so they don’t feel excluded from the society they’re trying to destroy
OTTAWA – As yet another wave of COVID overwhelms hospitals and Canada’s ICUs fill with unvaccinated patients, Conservative leader Erin O’Toole is adamant that the large majority of Ca…
Local man who hasn’t started Christmas shopping betting it all on Omicron lockdown
GUELPH, ON – While reportedly aware that he has only 7 shopping days until Christmas, local man Thomas Yeates is reportedly confident that a full province-wide Omicron lockdown will rescue …
Kenney encourages Albertans to superspread holiday cheer by allowing unvaccinated gatherings
EDMONTON – As Alberta heads into what will assuredly be the 5th wave of the Pandemic, Premier Jason Kenney announced Wednesday that he would be relaxing indoor gathering restrictions ahead …
Canada announces travel restrictions for vaccines heading to other countries
OTTAWA – In response to the new omicron variant of Covid-19 the Canadian government has announced new travel restrictions, aimed at preventing any vaccines from leaving Canada for other cou…
Serial Killer hoping to continue working remotely at least part time
HILLSIDE FALLS – Local serial killer, Stanley “The Hillside Reaper” Chisolm, has reported experiencing mixed emotions regarding the reopening of workplaces, hoping to maintain work-from-home for …