OTTAWA – Pfizer and BioNTech have released preliminary data to Health Canada stating that a vaccine for children ages 5 to 11 years could be available sooner than originally thought. Side e…
Pandemic
Adverse reaction experienced by ‘friend’s cousin’s boyfriend’ sole source of vaccine hesitancy
OTTAWA – Following a recent census, Health Canada has determined the sole source of vaccine hesitancy comes from an adverse reaction experienced by ‘friend’s, cousin’s, boyfriend’ or some s…
B.C. man worried about how his shoulder will look in vaccine passport photo
VICTORIA – With British Columbians now able to sign up for vaccine passports, local paralegal Craig Sherman is worried about how his shoulder will look in its passport photo. Sherman, who briefly…
BC government reluctantly admits plan to end pandemic by pretending pandemic had ended hasn’t ended pandemic
VICTORIA – B.C. Premier John Horgan and Provincial Health Officer Doctor Bonnie Henry admitted this week that what they believed to be a foolproof plan of assuming the pandemic was over on …
Ford and Lecce present their back to school safety plan, “Pick the sick kids last during Phys-ed”
QUEENS PARK – After delaying for as long as possible, Doug Ford and Stephen Lecce have finally revealed their back to school safety plan, which is for kids to pick the sicker kids last duri…
Perfectionist locked in agonizing 16-month quandary over which mask to buy
REGINA – Anna Paulson has been visiting Aisle 15 of the Shoppers Drug Mart at Victoria Square at 12 p.m. every day for over one year mulling over which mask to buy. With eyes wide open and visibl…
Vaccine-hesitant man now forced to pick from weird brands he’s never heard of
MOOSEJAW, SK — After months of hemming and hawing, local pipe-fitter Alvin Cummings finally booked his first-dose vaccination at a local clinic and upon arriving was dismayed to learn that they n…
Lottery travel prizes give vaccinated Albertans chance to bring home exciting new variants
EDMONTON – With the recent announcement that the provincial vaccination lottery will include free air travel and resort vacations as prizes, Albertans are eager to find out if they will soo…
Totally normal doctor recommends getting vaccinated in arm not used for masturbating
EDMONTON – Because the COVID vaccine generally causes soreness in the arm it’s injected into, Dr. Alex Hall has been advising Canadians to get it in their non-masturbation arm. “Many Canadians ar…
Polyamorous NACI officials recommend mixing and matching vaccines, partners
TORONTO — Canada’s National Advisory Committee on Immunization (NACI) updated its guidelines this week to indicate that doses of the Moderna, Pfizer, and AstraZeneca vaccines can be safely combin…