VANCOUVER – The Vancouver Police Department is assuring Vancouverites worried about interacting with unvaccinated cops that they always have the option of running away from the police instead.
“We do not require our officers be vaccinated, therefore there is no way for you to know if the officer attempting to question you, pull you over, or arrest you is vaccinated,” explains a VPD spokesperson. “If that is an issue for you, as a citizen it is your right to avoid contact with that officer by successfully fleeing from them before they get within two meters of you.”
“However, if you are not successful in your attempt to flee, you will either be in direct physical contact with that potentially unvaccinated officer while they violently arrest you, or you will be dead. So there are several options open to the public.”
While many police forces across Canada have instituted vaccine mandates for their officers, VPD believes it is in the public interest for an unknown number of law enforcement officers to have absolutely no immunity to this highly contagious and deadly disease.
Unvaccinated officers will be required to undergo rapid testing a few times a month, which the VPD believes is more than adequate to catch any infection either before or after the officer in question has a chance to interact with potentially dozens if not hundreds of people who were not able to successfully flee them.
“Was the vaccine mandate a chance to rid the VPD of officers who are not interested in protecting the public and who are unable to make rational decisions despite being given all the facts? Yes. But we knew that if we got rid of all those cops, we would have a severe officer shortage,” the Vancouver Police Board said in a press release to explain its decision.
“The city is clearly far safer being patrolled by unvaccinated, armed individuals who get all of their news from right-wing extremist Facebook than the horrifying alternative: a police force that is smaller.”
“And anyone who doesn’t want to be in contact with one of these potential COVID spreading officers can always flee,” the Police Board’s press release concluded.
When reached for comment, B.C.’s NDP government released a statement saying they’ve never even heard of the concept of “police” and therefore can’t comment on and aren’t in any way responsible for anything these “police” may or may not do in the province.