Removal of CRTC content quotas for porn leads to cancellation of next five Eric Peterson projects
OTTAWA – The Canadian Radio-television and Telecommunications Commission will no longer impose Canadian Content quotas on pornographic websites, leading to the cancellation of several upcom…
Man who gets winded climbing stairs describes plan to repel home invasion
GEORGE, NB – Despite no self-defense training and being incredibly out of shape, cell phone kiosk employee Wade Creamer, 27, has often described to friends his plans for countering a potent…
Trump removes tariffs on foreign films that are just as dumb as American ones
WASHINGTON, D.C. – United States President Donald Trump announced that his administration would not implement the intended 100% tariffs on films made outside the US, so long as they are jus…
The Beaverton Lives! It still needs your help to thrive
Beloved Readers, It’s been just over a year since we launched our Patreon, and to say that it has completely saved our asses would be an understatement. From the bottom of our snarky Canadian hea…
“You can totally tell this movie was shot in Toronto,” says man about movie set in Toronto
TORONTO – While watching a movie at home with friends, local cinephile Jacob Meznik repeatedly pointed out all the times the movie gave away that it was clearly shot in Toronto, blissfully …
Marco Rubio reveals Ukraine Peace Plan confusion caused by trip to Liquor Dome
HALIFAX – U.S. lawmakers attending the Halifax International Security Forum reveal that confusion around a leaked peace plan for Ukraine were caused by Secretary of State Marco Rubio spendi…
Study: Bilingual people forget twice as many words after hitting middle age
OTTAWA, ON ― An alarming new study out of the University of Ottawa suggests that years of recommendations to learn a new language in order to stave off cognitive decline may in fact have the oppo…
JD Vance slams Canada after being rejected by sexy chesterfield
WASHINGTON D.C. – American Vice President JD Vance has posted online, slamming the country of Canada’s economic and immigration policies, which insiders reveal stems from hurt feeling…
Danielle Smith invokes notwithstanding clause to ban Canada’s Drag Race
EDMONTON – Following the invocation of the Notwithstanding Clause to shield the Alberta government from legal challenges arising from bills targeting the province’s 2SLGTBQIA+ community, Pr…
Alex Jones launches GoFundMe to make face even puffier
AUSTIN, TX – Radio show host and conspiracy theorist Alex Jones is once again reaching out to his listener base for help with a new GoFundMe campaign to make his face even more ruddy-lookin…
