LONDON, ON – Self-professed “god-fearing Christian” and registered Conservative voter Graham Cortland has recently expressed an openness to being afraid of numerous other aspects of ...
Carney introduces bail reform mostly just to see the look on Poilievre’s face
“Poilievre’s bill is called ‘Jail Not Bail’, but it should be something cooled like ‘Pris Not Rizz’.” We discuss the most exciting news on every Canadian̵...
Nintendo celebrates approval of patent on having fun, laughing
Tokyo, Japan – Nintendo is celebrating after being granted a patent on the human emotion of joy, having fun, and general merriment. “Finally something we exclusively brought to the world is now ...
Ford blames Jays playoff ticket gouging on asshole premier who scrapped Ticketmaster law in 2019
QUEEN’S PARK – After resale tickets to the Blue Jays’ World Series immediately skyrocketed into the thousands of dollars, Ontario Premier Doug Ford held a press conference to place the blame sol...
Canada cool with one group of temporary foreign workers
TORONTO – The nation of Canada has decided that, on second thought, some temporary foreign workers can stay. “The Temporary Foreign Worker Program is a scam designed to take the jobs of ha...
French authorities won’t charge Louvre thieves on grounds the crime was really cool
PARIS – Following a brazen daylight heist of the French crown jewels from the Louvre, French authorities have declared no charges will be laid, citing the country’s “Trop Cool Pour Être Un Crime...
Jays fans look to gain Game 7 edge by kidnapping beloved Seattle radio psychiatrist
SEATTLE, WA – With the ALCS series headed to a winner-take-all game 7, Toronto Blue Jays fans have attempted to gain an advantage over the Mariners by abducting Dr. Frasier Crane, beloved radio ...
Canada offers to support American “NO KINGS” protest, draws line at “NO QUEENS”
OTTAWA – With millions across America taking part in today’s planned “No Kings” protest, Canadians have signalled their willingness to lend support – though emphasize tha...
Marc Maron pioneers not having a podcast
LOS ANGELES – After sixteen years, comedian, actor, and aggravated cat owner Marc Maron has taken a bold step into the unknown by turning off his microphone and not hosting a podcast. “Look, I’m...
New horror movie somehow not a metaphor for trauma
BRANDON, MB – Scary movie enthusiasts are stunned after discovering that a recent popular horror film is in no way an allegory for grief, PTSD, or intergenerational trauma. The 2025 film, Nightm...
