TORONTO – With numerous television seasons and countless home sales under their belts, ‘Property Brothers Jonathan and Drew Scott should be on top of the world. However, there is one major proje...
Unpatriotic man finds Tragically Hip just ‘all right’
NAPANEE, ON – Local man and traitor of Canada Rory Emery was overheard stating his rather unenthusiastic support for the nation’s band, The Tragically Hip. Emery, 31, made the seditious claim af...
Amazon acquires Whole Foods in bid to corner market on privileged white people
SEATTLE — Online retailing giant Amazon (TSX: AMZN-Q) announced this week plans to acquire supermarket chain Whole Foods (TSX: WFM-Q) in what company spokesman Larry Wilson acknowledged is an attempt...
MMIW commission insist they are very close to figuring out how office telephones work
OTTAWA – After several months and over five million dollars spent the commissioners tasked with investigating the tragedy of missing and murdered indigenous women have assured Canadians they are...
Wildrose Party to allow LGBTQ staffers to celebrate identity as sinners
EDMONTON – In response to party supporters criticizing a gay staffer for participating in an Edmonton Pride parade, the Wildrose Party has announced that staff will be allowed to celebrate their...
How To: Go Camping
Want to experience nature while getting just so drunk?...
Raising the minimum wage will kill jobs, so we shouldn’t do anything and maybe also cut taxes
By: Financial Columnist Mark Langshire We all know that Kathleen Wynne’s minimum wage hike is going to kill jobs. Some studies and rough projections—and I don’t think I need to bog down this piece by ...
Litre of Donair Sauce appointed as Nova Scotia finance minister
HALIFAX – In a move that has surprised many throughout the province, 1 litre of Donair sauce has been appointed as Minister of Finance and Treasury Board, taking over from Randy Delores. “I appo...
Experts split as to whether NDP Leadership race currently underway
OTTAWA — This week researchers at the University of Ottawa admitted that, despite their best efforts, they were unable to conclusively determine whether an NDP Leadership race was currently taki...
Accused serial surrealist pleads “rhinoceros”
OTTAWA – A man accused of eighteen counts of criminal absurdity and surrealistic acts, entered a plea in federal court yesterday claiming that he is “rhinoceros” of all charges. Alejandro Rakows...
