TORONTO – As Canadians begin socializing in-person again, The Canadian Board of Acceptable Social Norms (CBASN) has added spouting off a detailed account of your entire resume, including re…
Old man in Driver’s Ed knows all the drinking and driving answers
Kingston, ON – The students and faculty of All Star Defensive Driving Academy were delighted to find a star pupil in 65 year old Derek Knox, who knew the answer to every single question pos…
Rich dad greenlights new independent film
VANCOUVER, BC – The Canadian indie film world is abuzz today, following the announcement that local filmmaker Michael Fischer’s rich dad has greenlit production on indie dramedy, “Adulting,…
Local woman has hundreds of facebook statuses ready to go for celebrities yet to die
CRANBROOK, BC – Claiming “you can’t be too prepared”, local woman Lori Patel revealed this week that she has mournful Facebook statuses ready to go for the upcoming deaths of hundreds of ce…
Society ready to hate nerds again
THE WHOLE WORLD – Citing factors such as Young Sheldon, GamerGate, and the fact that Star Wars gets crammed down our collective throats every goddamn Christmas now, society as a whole has a…
Nova Scotia named best province to walk into the sea and end it all
HALIFAX – According to a survey by the Center For Goth Canadian Studies, Nova Scotia has been named the best province to walk into the sea and end it all. The results of the survey reveal t…
Justin Trudeau suffers third degree burns from failed attempt to jump over campfire
OTTAWA, ON – Canadians coast to coast had their collective gnar severely harshed today, upon learning that Prime Minister Justin Trudeau suffered third degree burns after a failed attempt t…
Property Brothers can’t repair relationship with Property Dad
TORONTO – With numerous television seasons and countless home sales under their belts, ‘Property Brothers Jonathan and Drew Scott should be on top of the world. However, there is one major …
Inspiring! Rick Mercer finally moves out of that alley
TORONTO – In a heartwarming story that has touched Canadians coast to coast, TV personality Rick Mercer announced that he has finally moved out of the iconic alley he once called home. “It …
Senate Republicans divided on Trump’s plan to kill us all
WASHINGTON, DC – Republicans remained divided Monday, as a vote neared on President Trump’s controversial proposal to kill everyone on earth. The proposed “Liquidation Of All Human Life Act…