CALGARY – Despite Alberta separatism polling at under 30%, separatist organizers are confident they have read the electorate correctly, pointing to “the current record-high levels of Canadian support for our MAGA neighbours to the South”.
As Albertans head to the polls today for a province-wide referendum on leaving Canada, presumably to become the 51st American state, separatist leaders have expressed assurance that this is an extremely popular position not just in Alberta, but everywhere else in Canada.
“If there’s one thing I know about this political moment, it’s that Canadians have never been more confident in our relationship with America,” explains David Parker of the Centurion Project. “I mean, who wouldn’t want to break apart Canada in order to place our trust in the president who invaded Venezuela and backstabbed Ukraine?”
Parker added, “Sure, I haven’t been outside of Alberta in years, and I only ever talk to the same hundred guys who attend my rallies and post on my social media feed, but I’m certain that leaving Canada to hand all our oil resources over to the Americans is more popular than Tim Hortons!”
Meanwhile, Jeffrey Rath, the organizer behind Stay Free Alberta, echoed similar sentiments. “There has never been a better year than 2026 to hold what amounts to a pro-American referendum in a Canadian province – at least that’s what all these undercover CIA agents keep telling me. I bet we get 110% of the vote!”
Across the province, convoy organizer and Rebel News correspondent Tamara Lich agreed with this read of the electorate. “Right now every Canadian wishes they were American. That’s what ambassador Hoekstra wrote in the memo section of the cheque he gave me.”
Following their “slam dunk” referendum victory, separatist organizers plan a follow up referendum on how much Canadians prefer American beer.
