TORONTO – After a long, fulfilling career as a screed-writer for one of Canada’s newspapers of note, columnist Eustace Tibbs has retired to spend more time disparaging his children. “I’m forever...
Man wins Facebook argument by being last to post in thread
AURORA, ON – A local man is declaring victory after being the last person to post in a heated debate on a news story post to Facebook. The debate began Saturday morning at 10:12 AM when Niall Be...
Old racist thinks racist kids have it too easy these days
Chatham, ON – Local pharmacist and long-time white supremacist Alex Robichaud has had it with the Southern Ontario alt-right community, declaring that young racists today have it “way too easy”. “When...
Beaverton Reads
Which will be crowned Canada’s saddest book?...
Climate scientists seeking opinion of stupid idiot to complete study
OTTAWA – Scientists are nearing completion on another planet-wide study on climate change, but say they require the opinion of a “real stupid idiot” in order to complete their work. “We’ve spent...
Local dog spends weekend on couch binge-licking
KAMLOOPS – This past weekend saw Barkley, a Chocolate Labrador, spend nearly all of his waking hours on the couch, seemingly unable to stop cleaning his genitals with his tongue. The binge licki...
This year’s most popular Father’s Day gift just box full of gears and wires
CANADA – Businesses across the nation are reporting that this year’s most popular Father’s Day gift is a nondescript cardboard box filled with gears and wires of various sizes that retails for $...
Toronto’s Trump Hotel renamed the James Comey Resort & Spa
TORONTO – In an effort to distance themselves from the controversy surrounding President Donald Trump, the owners of the Trump International Hotel & Tower located at Bay & Adelaide in To...
Family raises stolen pint glass to honour man who taught them how to not look drunk
OTTAWA – The children of the Cartwright family are raising a stolen pint glass this father’s day, to celebrate the man who taught them how to look not drunk. “You really can never tell with us,”...
Portraits Of Canadiocity: Sarah Polley
Sarah Polley: The saddest Canadian?...
