Public beheading of Ticketmaster execs already sold out

LAS VEGAS – After a damning investigative report by CBC News/Toronto Star revealed collusion between Ticketmaster and scalpers, the company’s shareholders took the rare step of ordering the…

7 US Presidents throughout history and the Nintendo characters their penises resemble

Following Stormy Daniels’ description of President Trump’s penis as looking like the mushroom shaped Toad in her new book, Full Disclosure, historians are reminding the public of the varying arra…

Citywide diffuser malfunctions blanket Vancouver in endless sandalwood fog

VANCOUVER – A cascading series of errors in Vancouver’s diffusors has resulted in a thick, seemingly permanent sandalwood fog settling over the city. “The whole city smells like that bath s…

Doug Ford insists he has always been a huge fan of unelected, activist judges

TORONTO — With the Court Of Appeal granting the PC government’s request for a stay and paving the way for Toronto Council to be cut in half, Premier Ford is loudly insisting that he is and …

Sexual predators about to be most represented minority group on U.S. Supreme Court

Luke and the Panel (Craig Fay, Diana McCallum, Aaron Hagey-MacKay) have no shortage of ridiculous stories to discuss this week. They get into the fact that People’s Party of Canada sounds l…

CBC unveils Kids News believing children should be cynical, jaded too

TORONTO – Targeting children between the ages of 9 to 13, CBC has launched Kids News in the hope that youngsters are robbed of any blissful ignorance by informing them of the happenings in …

Doug Ford invokes War Measures Act to remove Toronto bike lanes

TORONTO – Following his controversial use of the Notwithstanding Clause to interfere with Toronto City Council, Doug Ford has enacted the War Measures Act to dismantle the Bloor bike lane in Toro…

QUIZ: Will your child be an NHL star or are you too poor to afford thousands in upfront costs?

With hockey season getting underway, a new journey is about to begin for thousands of children across the nation. They’ll be stepping onto the ice for the first time with dreams of one day …

Scheer claims ‘People’s Party’ discriminatory to marionettes like himself

OTTAWA – Following last week’s announcement that Maxime Bernier’s new political party will be known as the People’s Party of Canada, Conservative Leader Andrew Scheer has spoken out against the n…

Smugly telling grocery store cashier that he brought his own bags clearly making local man’s day

Sarnia, ON – Reports from inside a Sobey’s indicate that local man Gregory Sinclair is absolutely relishing the moment where he told the young lady ringing in his groceries that he didn’t n…