Update: Quebec not distinct from Ontario and USA

QUEBEC CITY – After decades of claiming to be a society distinct from the rest of North America, Quebec went and did the same damn thing as Ontario and the USA. Despite centuries of being a…

Trade war over: Remembering our brave economists

OTTAWA – With the great macroeconomic conflict that pitted Canada against its American foe all but over, Prime Minister Justin Trudeau marked the occasion to remember the veterans of Canada…

Lindsey Graham demands FBI investigation into whether sexual assault even that big a deal

WASHINGTON D.C. – As the FBI begins its investigation of sexual assault allegations against Supreme Court nominee Brett Kavanaugh, Senator Lindsay Graham has called for an investigation int…

Experts warn new NAFTA deal could put thousands of op-ed writers out of work

OTTAWA – As the Trudeau government celebrated saving the country’s free trade deal with America and Mexico, experts were already warning that the renewed agreement could devastate the burge…

Man reviewing credit card bill horrified to discover he the anonymous $1,000 tipping hero

STRATFORD, ON – Local man Daniel Lark was shocked to learn of his heroic actions when he accidentally tipped a server $1,000 for a $20 meal while preparing to pay his monthly VISA bill. “Oh…

Sane clown beginning to think she wandered into wrong posse

LEGEND VALLEY, OH – Professional birthday party entertainer Twinkles the Clown, who has been described by her doctor as ‘very mentally sound’, got lost on her way to meeting some fellow bir…

Local man continues search for method of scraping metal against face that won’t irritate skin

SASKATOON – After years of inexplicable failure, local man Peter Whitehall has yet to find a method of dragging sharp metal blades against his face that doesn’t irritate his skin. “I don’t …

Meet the German tourists who have been lost in Winnipeg’s underground for five years

WINNIPEG – A cross-country adventure of Canada five years ago has turned into a Winnipeg subterranean misadventure for tourists Karl Ziegler and Anna Kraus. On a scheduled visit to Manitoba…

Men’s rights group insists Broadway musical change its name to “Pappa Pia”

NEW YORK CITY– Men’s Music Makers, a U.S. men’s rights group, has organized a boycott of famed Broadway smash Mamma Mia until creators change its name to the more masculine, “Pappa Pia”. “This is…

Calgary Herald on normalizing sexual assault in high school: ‘We all write dumb things at our age’

CALGARY – The Calgary Herald’s editorial board justified publishing a column that claimed men should not be held accountable for sexual assault in high school by using a similar excuse sayi…