Educated man says he’d rather die than risk dying from AstraZeneca vaccine
CAMBRIDGE, MA – University of Phoenix scholar and die-hard Facebook scroller Dr. Devan Leeland has stated he would rather die than risk dying from the AstraZeneca vaccine. “It’s really just…
Local woman makes suspiciously late “Happy Quarantine-aversary!” post
TORONTO – Local influencer Meghan Freling made a pandemic anniversary post earlier this week on her popular instagram account, prompting friends and followers to ask whether it’s a bit late…
Among Us game stalls as group of high-achieving women all claim to be impostors
Newmarket, ON – A game of Among Us has reached a stalemate as all of the players, successful women from various fields, have claimed to be the Impostor. Each of the seven women remains conv…
Nation’s dads just reminding you that Mom’s birthday coming up, not that you’d forget
OTTAWA – Dads nationwide have been checking in throughout the day with a reminder that your mom’s birthday is next week and you should definitely give her a call, but of course you kn…
Scientists announce breakthrough in lab-grown beefcakes
News in Photos.…
Prince Philip named Sexiest Man Kinda Alive
LONDON- Hot on the heels of Prince William’s recognition as the World’s Sexiest Bald Man, The Duke of Edinburgh Prince Philip was recently named the Sexiest Man Kinda Alive. In the poll conducted…
Blue Jays use money saved by removing radio broadcast to do nothing
TORONTO – As Opening Day approaches, Toronto Blue Jays fans are outraged that Rogers will no longer be offering a distinct Blue Jays radio broadcast and will instead be replacing it with a …
Drug dealer shockingly bad at getting people drugs
TORONTO – With Ontario in the midst of a third wave of the COVID Pandemic, Ontario Premier and former hash dealer Doug Ford has proven to be absolutely terrible at getting residents the pha…
REPORT: Bed is now office
VANCOUVER – After working from home for the past year, local research assistant Sara Burton announced the results of her independent study confirming once and for all that bed is now office…
“See, we do let gay men donate blood,” says Canadian Blood Services after quarantine forces thousands to be celibate for a year
OTTAWA – Health Canada and Canadian Blood Services bragged this morning that their controversial ban on accepting blood donations from men who have sex with men (MSM) “is basically no…
