Conservative delegates vote against recognizing Climate Change, winning elections
OTTAWA – Delegates at the Conservative Party’s policy convention have voted against confirming “climate change is real” and also against winning another election. By a margin of 54 percent …
Netfilx’s newest dating show asks: Can we get these sexy singles to fuck this tree?
LOS ANGELES – On the heels of the success of last year’s reality shows, Love is Blind and Too Hot to Handle, Netflix has announced the launch of a new reality dating show designed to answer…
Local husband gives wife traditional present ‘something she randomly mentioned the day before’
SWIFT CURRENT, SK – Brian Warriner, husband to Glenda Warriner for fourteen years, continued his yearly tradition of remembering his wife’s birthday, listening to her as she mentioned somet…
York Professor asks for a note from a dictator before agreeing to defer student’s exam
TORONTO – York University Professor Emanoil Theodorescu demanded a Myanmar based student produce a note from his country’s dictator before he would grant them a deferral on their midterm ex…
West Toronto getting close to 2025 goal of 1 cannabis dispensary per household
TORONTO – Mayor John Tory has announced that West Toronto is on track to meet its 2025 goal of 1 cannabis dispensary per household. Following legalization in 2018 Ontario found itself last …
Erin O’Toole opens Conservative Convention with promise to have fewer ideas
OTTAWA – Facing weak poll numbers and internal questions about his leadership, Erin O’Toole opened the 2021 Conservative Party Convention with a fiery speech resolving to be even less thoughtful …
Ford promises Oosterhoff controversy will not distract government from the vital work of bungling vaccine distribution
TORONTO – After Tory MPP and Parliamentary Secretary Sam Oosterhoff gave a speech to a controversial anti-abortion group that recently compared a woman’s right to choose to the Holoca…
True meaning of life safely hidden away in personal anecdote portion of online recipe
Laval, QC – Humanity’s quest to discover the fundamental truth about our existence has been solved, as it turns out to be located in the personal story section of a recipe for homemad…
Local woman who bought regular grapes instead of seedless just gonna give up on whole life
BURLINGTON, ON – Last Tuesday evening, 27 year-old bartender Eva Parsons realized as she got home from a grocery run that she had bought regular grapes instead of seedless ones. At that mom…
White supremacist organization clears white supremacist of white supremacy
ATLANTA – Asian residents breathed a sigh of relief yesterday when the Atlanta Police Department, a white supremacist organization, cleared white supremacist terrorist, Robert Aaron Long, o…
