TORONTO – Actresses across Toronto rejoiced yesterday at the announcement that a spinoff of Dick Wolf’s famous “Law & Order” series would be set in their city, signalling a chance for them t...
Torontonians endure another weekend in crime-ridden, drug-infested hellhole of a city
TORONTO – Thanks to Conservatives like Pierre Poilievre we know that Toronto is basically an open sewer where people shoot heroin on the street before attacking tourists with fireworks. Well thi...
Toronto Goodwill asking people to stop donating Leafs jerseys
TORONTO – The regional board of Goodwill Industries has taken to social media to ask residents of the GTA to please stop leaving Maple Leafs jerseys in their used clothing bins and donation cent...
Ben & Jerry’s unveils new flavour, Bachelor Freezer Burn
VERMONT – Popular American ice cream manufacturer Ben & Jerry’s announced its latest flavour, today, coming to the public in the form of “Bachelor Freezer Burn”. According to founders, Ben ...
Desperate Nova Scotians sacrifice Theodore Tugboat to raging wildfire
HALIFAX – As multiple wildfires continue to burn across the province, Nova Scotians have decided as a last-ditch effort to sacrifice beloved life-sized children’s character Theodore Tugboat in h...
Rest of country relieved they can still look down on Alberta
OTTAWA – In the wake of Danielle Smith’s re-election as Alberta Premier, the other Provinces and Territories breathed a sigh of relief that, if nothing else, they can continue to shit on t...
Toronto’s affordable housing plan revealed to be stapling hammocks to the sides of new condos
TORONTO – Canada’s largest city released an updated affordable housing plan this morning, the highlight of which was a policy to make new condo developers staple two or three burlap hammocks to the si...
Election Day: Alberta decides between a traditional conservative government and whatever the hell the UCP is
EDMONTON – The polls are open as Alberta voters consider whether to elect a right-wing party devoted to low taxes and substantial governmental support for the fossil fuel industry (the NDP), or ...
Quiz: Who should you vote for in the Alberta Provincial Election
It’s election day in Alberta! And if you are a resident of the Wildrose Province you may be wondering: who should I cast my ballot for? Well take this fun quiz and then you will be in a binding ...
F150 drivers pleased to learn electric version even deadlier to pedestrians
CALGARY – Ford F150 pickup drivers across Canada were pleased and relieved to learn that the electric version of the vehicle is even better at annihilating unsuspecting pedestrians than the trad...
