WINDSOR – The scientific community is reeling after a Kleenex has allegedly emerged from a heavy-duty wash cycle soft, usable, and not in a gross little clump. According to local resident Michelle Dre...
Fuck! Group of teens just noticed you
EDMONTON – In truly alarming news it appears that a group of 8 teenagers at the mall is looking at you, a fully adult man with kids, a mortgage and a Costco membership. “Stay cool, stay co...
Corporations hoarding homes thank Canadians for enthusiastically blaming immigration
MARKHAM, ON – As housing unaffordability rages out of control, the loose coalition of corporate landlords, investment property flippers, Airbnb moguls, REITs, and foreign real estate money laund...
Man who doesn’t care what anybody thinks definitely should
BELLEVILLE — When it comes to what other people think, 19-year-old Mark Griner couldn’t care less. But his friends, family, and community at large are urging him to consider the opinion of literally a...
Emboldened Doug Ford sells off Brampton
QUEEN’S PARK – Following the minimal fallout of the recent Greenbelt scandal, where Ontario’s Conservative Government took orders from connected property developers to allow developm...
Most popular sex position in each Province
Canadians love fucking just as much as the next guy. Maybe more since it helps keep us warm in the winter. But turns out we like fucking in different ways depending on where we live. Here are the top ...
Seasoned traveller impresses date by showing up for dinner wearing neck pillow
EDMONTON — Self-styled globetrotter and citizen of the world Bryan Kneeth scored major points with his date by showing up for dinner wearing his favourite neck pillow. “I’ve seen guys boarding planes ...
Canadian flag updated to show maple leaf burning in wildfire
OTTAWA – As a summer season of wildfires rages across the nation, the Federal Government has updated the Canadian flag to more accurately depict the maple leaf burning in an uncontrolled wildfir...
Opera Company expanding youth rates to under-65
Toronto, ON – The Canadian Opera Company (COC) has just an announced it will be expanding its youth rates to under-65. The COC had expanded its youth rate to under 30s almost a decade ago. That ...
The Beaverton Guide to Toronto for Americans who swiped all the Taylor Swift tickets
Congrats American Swifties! You guys managed to buy a huge amount of the tickets for Taylor’s only appearance in the entire country of Canada! You could have got tickets to literally any of her ...
