Teenage planet’s life ruined by parent star
HORSEHEAD NEBULA, UNIVERSE – It was discovered today that in the alien solar system Kepler-47, a teenage planet is having it’s life ruined by its parent stars. The planet known as 47-B or &…
Harper promises to consult Native, environment groups on pipeline after first oil spill
OTTAWA – Prime Minister Stephen Harper has pledged that he will consult all First Nations and environmental groups about the controversial Northern Gateway pipeline the moment after the fir…
Newfoundland to name first person that sobers up the province’s next premier
ST. JOHN’S – With no candidates stepping forward to replace recently resigned premier-designate Jack Coleman, the province of Newfoundland announced today that it will name the first citizen that…
Environmental Studies major prints 56th draft of research paper
VICTORIA – According to sources inside McPherson Library at the University of Victoria, 4th-year Environmental Studies student Jason Tomcik, 23, printed a 56th draft of his research paper i…
School kids, MPs really excited for summer vacation
OTTAWA – As summer vacation approaches fast, the two groups of people who get the entire time off, young children and members of parliament, are both very excited for it to begin. “I can’t …
Fans detach selves emotionally to prepare for Game of Thrones season finale
CANADA – Fans of the hit HBO program Game of Thrones nationwide began to sever any and all of their connections with their favourite characters, fearing that yet another of the show’s…
Hallmark sues third grader over plagiarized Father’s Day card
SASKATOON – Hallmark is launching a lawsuit against local eight year old Charlie Samson, accusing him of having stolen the concept of one of their greeting cards. “‘Best Father Ever’ is a p…
Local dad convinced his balls will not fall out of jogging shorts this year
GLENVALE, B.C. — The community of Glenvale is breathing a sigh of relief as John McHammond has announced he is sure his testicles will remain in his jogging shorts this year. “I love to run…
Tory anti-prostitution bill makes payment mandatory for all sexual activities
OTTAWA – Justice Minister Peter MacKay unveiled new legislation this month that would reduce the risk of exploitation and danger in prostitution by making the exchange of money a necessary precur…
