WASHINGTON, D.C. – After journalists revealed that President Trump wrote a birthday message to notorious sex offender Jeffrey Epstein reading, “I sure enjoyed the sex crimes you did, fellow sex crime ...
RFK Jr.’s new vaccine board includes Dr. Oz, Dr. Phil, Doctor Doom and Dr. Evil
Kennedy’s Volcano Lair, D.C. – Robert Kennedy Jr. has shocked the scientific community after firing the entire vaccine board and replacing them with Dr. Oz, Dr. Phil, Doctor Doom, and Dr. Evil. ...
Visibly trembling Oilers fan insists he’s not worried about McDavid contract situation
EDMONTON – With training camp about a week away and no sign of Connor McDavid signing an extension anytime soon, Oilers fan and visibly shaking from head to toe human being Malcolm Serrano insis...
Poilievre demands Carney scrap Temporary Foreign Worker program so Conservatives can quietly reinstate it
OTTAWA – Pierre Poilievre is demanding the TFW program be scrapped, in order for him to ride a wave of public resentment over immigrant labour into the Prime Minister’s office before quiet...
Everything you need to know about Alberta’s book ban
1. According to Danielle Smith it’s not a book ban, just an order banning certain books 2. The order written in July by Education Minister Demetrios Nicolaides contained such explicit descriptio...
Carney hoping Canadians too busy applying for jobs to notice skyrocketing unemployment numbers
OTTAWA – In the wake of a jobs report showing the national economy lost 66,000 in August alone, Prime Minister is hoping that Canadians will be too preoccupied with filling out online job applic...
Carney cancels invite for Project 2025 mastermind, wants fascist takeover of Canada to be more of a surprise
OTTAWA – A planned reception for the architect of Project 2025 – the infamous policy blueprint for the Trump Administration – has been cancelled because Mark Carney wants the planned...
Raccoon standing still on top of garbage bin worried he’s not going to get to scare the fuck out of anyone tonight
TORONTO – A local raccoon that has been standing perfectly still on top of a garbage can next to a house in Toronto’s Beach neighbourhood for 3 hours now, is starting to get worried he won...
Pedestrian walking in road because cyclist riding on sidewalk because car parked in bike lane
TORONTO – Eyewitnesses today confirmed reports that a pedestrian was walking in the road because a cyclist was riding on the sidewalk because a car was parked in the bike lane. “I was driving do...
SNL casts Canadian provided she can evade ICE at border
NEW YORK – Sketch comedy institution Saturday Night Live has announced the addition of its first new Canadian cast member in decades, Veronika Slowikowska, contingent on her not being captured b...
