MONCTON – 36-year-old Moncton resident Aaron Landry expressed confusion late Monday evening after opening his empty mailbox for the sixth time in a row, uncertain if his lack of mail was due to ...
Toronto’s real estate market forces Paul McCartney to move concert to Hamilton
HAMILTON – As more Torontonians relocate to cities that offer more affordable housing, rock legend Sir Paul McCartney announced that his Toronto concert at the Scotiabank Arena is also being relocated...
CBS launches The Late Show With Jon Voight as part of fall, Trump-approved line-up
NEW YORK CITY – Following the sudden cancellation of The Late Show With Stephen Colbert, CBS has announced a revamp of their prime-time line-up designed to appease the Trump administration with ...
White House officials say Donald Trump diagnosed with chronic “Distract From Epstein Scandal-itis”
WASHINGTON D.C. – Amid the ongoing rumours, lies, and coverups related to President Donald Trump’s relationship to notorious sex offender Jeffrey Epstein, White House officials called a press co...
Poilievre bonds with Alberta farmer constituent by asking if he’s seen the latest Tim Pool video
“Forget about the price of cattle for a sec, check out how he owns this blue-haired chick.” Luke and the Panel (Ian MacIntyre, Clare Blackwood and Megan MacKay) speculate about what strate...
Supposedly hip young person doesn’t even know who LCD Soundsystem is
HAMILTON, ON — Reports have confirmed that Miley Autlin, 24, a person previously believed by experts to be “cool”, “up on the scene” and even “really into the new stuff” literally didn’t even know tha...
Trump tempted to release Epstein Files just to see own name in print
MAR-A-LAGO, FL – While steadfastly refusing to answer questions surrounding his ties to notorious sex criminal Jeffrey Epstein, U.S. President Donald Trump has reportedly considered releasing th...
Newly discovered Shakespeare folio reveals lost play ‘Dracula vs. Frankenstein’
Stratford, England – Shakespeare Birthplace Trust archivists today announced their discovery of a lost Shakespeare folio for a play entitled “Dracula vs. Frankenstein.” Natasha Cartwright, a Cam...
TTC appeals to frustrated riders with summer contest ‘Catch That Rat!’
TORONTO – Seeking to give riders a productive activity during its numerous and lengthy delays, the Toronto Transit Commission has launched a new summer contest called Catch That Rat! Rather than attem...
Grok refusing to answer questions unless X users upload blood tests to prove the purity of their DNA
BASTROP, TEXAS – Following a controversial week on X when the site’s AI, Grok, repeatedly made antisemitic statements and claimed to be MechaHitler, X has assured its users that they’ve fixed al...
