OTTAWA – A recent survey has revealed that 9 out of every 10 Canadians will spend the entirety of November 5 experiencing a moderate to severe panic attack, manifesting itself in curling into a ...
Majority of Newfoundlanders delighted to have a relative on the Supreme Court
ST. JOHN’S – With the official swearing-in of Justice Malcolm Rowe to the Supreme Court of Canada Monday afternoon, polling shows that more than 70% of Newfoundlanders are happy with the Prime Ministe...
Margaret Atwood launches own lifestyle magazine
Taking a page out of Gwyneth Paltrow’s GOOP, Margaret Atwood has made a controversial career decision....
Which spending scandal best describes your dad’s distrust of government?
From the Bay Street executive dad of Toronto to the walrus-hunting ataata of Tuktoyaktuk, one common thread unites all of Canada’s fathers: obsession over government spending. There’s no mistake too s...
Ontario Liberals give up, let each school choose their own sex-ed curriculum
Aisha Alfa reports on the Kathleen Wynne government’s plan to let each school set their own sex ed curriculum, and the wildly different lesson plans that the school boards have come up wi...
Sarnia City Council passes bylaw requiring mayor to wear dog muzzle
SARNIA, ON – In a move that escalates the sanctions against the Mayor of Sarnia, city council passed a by-requiring the Mayor Mike Bradley to wear a dog muzzle when he’s within 50 meters of city...
Male injection recipients complain after becoming first humans to ever suffer side effects from birth control
Geneva, Switzerland – Following a clinical trial of an injectable male contraceptive, the male scientists and male test subjects involved have announced that they are the first human beings ever...
Which character from Friends would vote for Donald Trump?
For us 90s kids, Friends was the show that taught us how to live, laugh and love, as well as convinced us that only white people live in New York City. Though the show may be gone, the good times it b...
Peter Mansbridge retiring in order to spend more time lobbing softball questions at his family
Eminent journalist Peter Mansbridge, host of CBC’s The National and revered across the country for his ability to sit down with world leaders and ask them what their ideal Sunday morning ...
Breaking: orgy house forgot about trick-or-treaters again
Abbotsford, B.C. – After swearing they weren’t going to make the same mistake this year, Jim and Marlene Smith once again scheduled their big fall orgy to take place on the same night as Hallowe...
