Man being yelled at in cubicle dreamt he was flying last night
MISSISSAUGA, ON – After dreaming he was experiencing the perfect freedom of untethered flight last night, reports have confirmed that customer service representative Jeffrey Kwan is being y…
Report: Tragically Hip final tour tickets still available through ruthlessly beating ticket holders
KINGSTON, ON – Disappointed Tragically Hip fans who failed to get tickets to the band’s final tour still have some hope after reports indicate there are some available by viciously assaulti…
Novelists warn about drug-resistant strain of writer’s block
TORONTO – After warnings issued by the World Health Organization, Canadian writers are now reporting cases of a strain of writer’s block resistant to alcohol, amphetamines, and other broad-spectr…
Guy in wraparound shades fully prepared to show ISIS who they’re dealing with
BANCROFT, ON – Decked out in camouflage pants, wraparound sunglasses and a fresh bicep tattoo, local badass Dave Kringler is ready to rock and roll the exact moment ISIS gives him a reason …
Conservative Party announces it ‘hath ended its opposition to buggery’
VANCOUVER – In a dramatic announcement, the Conservative Party of Canada announced it no longer opposes marriage between two chaps or a couple of dowagers. “I suppose the jig is up and it i…
Liberal Party’s new policies based on inspiring set of fridge magnets
WINNIPEG – The Liberal Party of Canada wrapped up their first Biennial Convention since their 2015 federal electoral victory and adopted many new important policies based on very uplifting …
Monte Carlo collects $400,000 in fines from Formula One speed trap
MONACO – Calling it their most successful day yet, the Monte Carlo police force handed out $433,000 worth of speeding tickets in just 3 hours of traffic stops at yesterday’s Formula One rac…
Woman purchases mason jars, old records at garage sale to sell at next garage sale
OTTAWA – Local woman, Willow Andrews, was thrilled with her recent garage sale finds of rustic mason jars and old vinyl records, which will be featured in her own garage sale next year once…
Hero Ambassador Kevin Vickers tackles protester before he could detonate opinions
DUBLIN – Canadian Ambassador to Ireland Kevin Vickers is once again being called a hero for tackling a man heavily armed with a loud voice before he could detonate his opinions at a ceremon…
Harper delivers heartfelt, heavily redacted resignation speech
OTTAWA – Former Prime Minister Stephen Harper announced he was bowing out of politics today in a sincere, and vigorously redacted, speech to the House of Commons. “I hope that my tenure as …
