Bison named US national mammal, narrowly beating out Texas-style BBQ bison
CHARLOTTE, NC – The bison, with its majestic dignity and great historical significance, was chosen as America’s national mammal last Friday, beating out a close runner-up and popular favour…
Local neighbour begins extremely loud, unskilled renovations
Fort Nelson, BC – Next-door neighbour Dale Glover’s disruptive springtime renovation season is already off to a roaring start. “I can finally get back to work on that structurally unsound b…
Sanders staying in race just to keep 20-year-old college student inspired
Burlington, Vermont – Presidential hopeful Bernie Sanders is remaining in the Democratic Primary race despite the little chance he has at winning so he can continue to inspire a bright-eyed…
Orphan Black fans successfully clone Tatiana Maslany
TORONTO – Scientists at the Orphan Black Fan Institute say they have successfully cloned a human being, actress Tatiana Maslany, star of the cult sci-fi series, Orphan Black. “If the show h…
Raptors fan seeks therapy to help cope with success
TORONTO, ON – Long time Raptors fan Dave Burkle admits to suffering unusual amounts of stress and anxiety during the Raptors historic playoff run. “I feel like I lost 3 months off my life,” said …
Liberals announce bill forcing men to use women’s bathrooms, report conservative aunts
OTTAWA – The Liberal government’s proposed law to protect transgender rights will force all men to use women’s bathrooms among many other “awful” things, report Canada’s conservative aunts.…
Public servant romantically proposes to partner in 53 slide Powerpoint presentation
OTTAWA – Local civil servant Richard Escarvage made his intentions clear towards his partner, Adrianne Voigt, yesterday in a romantically thorough and detailed Powerpoint presentation on th…
Hand-holding couple awarded rights to entire width of sidewalk
TORONTO – In a landmark decision, a judge has awarded ownership of the entire width of the sidewalk to new couple Kris Summers and Alex Teale. Anyone occupying sidewalk space in their vicin…
Fort McMurray authorities plead with Canadians to stop donating “Jack and Jill” DVDs
EDMONTON – In the wake of the last week’s fire, Fort McMurray Emergency Measures Organization and the Red Cross are asking Canadians to refrain from donating Adam Sandler’s 2011 film “Jack …
CBC vows to wait 4-6 weeks before even thinking of rehiring Ghomeshi
TORONTO – In the wake of sexual assault allegations against Jian Ghomeshi and his subsequent criminal trials and peace bond, the CBC has firmly avowed that they absolutely will not even consider …
