CBC vows to wait 4-6 weeks before even thinking of rehiring Ghomeshi
TORONTO – In the wake of sexual assault allegations against Jian Ghomeshi and his subsequent criminal trials and peace bond, the CBC has firmly avowed that they absolutely will not even consider …
3 Easter Eggs you didn’t notice in Paul Martin’s official portrait
Click on the image to see three things that were hidden inside the official portrait of Canada’s 21st Prime Minister.…
Russian athlete’s urine burns through testing cup
ROME — A Russian track and field’s athlete’s urine has spontaneously reacted with a testing cup during a routine drug test. The incident occurred some time after the very muscular long-jump…
Canada’s Wonderland unveils ‘Room’-themed roller coaster
Vaughan, ON – Canada’s Wonderland has revealed a new roller coaster inspired by the harrowing Oscar-nominated film Room that will make its debut at the theme park this summer. Expected to b…
5 must-read summer novels we shot out of a cannon
If you haven’t prepared your summer reading list yet, we’ve got you covered. We compiled a list of some of the most buzzworthy novels, then loaded them into a nineteenth-century English cannon an…
Parliament approves giant spin wheel voting system to make democracy more exciting
OTTAWA — Avoiding the inevitable partisan conflicts on electoral reform, all parties have unanimously agreed to change the first-past-the-post voting system to random selection based on a g…
Blackberry stock rises on report nation’s dads still can’t figure out iPhone
TORONTO – Blackberry stock closed at its highest level in months today after a national report released by McGill University indicated that Canadian fathers are still too stubborn to learn how an…
Generous Trudeau gives each Syrian refugee one free topless pic
OTTAWA – With just over 25,000 Syrian refugees having been allowed into the country, Prime Minister Justin Trudeau has enacted an even more generous policy by offering each and every one of…
Crown elects not to proceed with 2nd Ghomeshi trial in order to focus on bungling future assault cases
TORONTO – Citing a pressing need to use resources and manpower on mishandling other sexual assault cases, the Crown has elected not to proceed with the second scheduled trial of former CBC …
Toronto man continues streak of totally meaning to have gone to Hot Docs
TORONTO – Self-dubbed film fanatic Calvin Rows has kept alive his now four-year streak of intending to have gone to the Hot Docs Festival. Rows ensured the streak’s continuation by spending…
