Experts agree this species will almost certainly become extinct due to human activity, in this case the activity of a single human.…
News in Brief
Fluffy dog forced to wear fall sweater is fucking burning up
CALGARY – Despite the unseasonably warm fall weather rolling through Western Canada, 4-year-old Pomeranian mix Sandy has been dressed in a sweater simply because it’s ‘just so dang adorable…
Toronto refuses to lose to New York in COVID-19 case count
TORONTO – Some residents of Toronto disappointed with a lacklustre performance in the number of coronavirus cases came out to give their city a boost at Trinity Bellwoods Park. “We want Tor…
Peter MacKay deletes tweet praising “military victory” during Oka Crisis
OTTAWA – Conservative Party leadership candidate Peter MacKay hastily deleted another tweet which praised Canada’s heroic “military victory” at Oka, Quebec in 1990. “Our brave boys sacrific…
Desperate nation pining for US celebrity’s attention denies it’s boring
CANADA – Citizens from a nation always seeking US approval are expressing outrage that a washed-up pop singer from the 1980s called the country “boring.” “How dare she call us dull,” said M…
Introspective carpenter finds her shelf
KELOWNA, BC – Local carpenter Marybeth Dinh, 35, who left her accounting job in Vancouver to escape from the rat race into the picturesque BC interior, announced to friends and family via e…
Pizza Pizza phases out pizza for 100% crusts
TORONTO – Pizza Pizza Ltd has announced that it will no longer be serving traditional pizzas, instead opting for what it is known best known for: crusts. “Instead of the traditional 75% dou…
Alien civilization blocks humanity after receiving unsolicited nudes
DEEP SPACE – Immediately regretting opening the strange message attached to an oblong metallic object marked “PIONEER” found floating in space, a distant alien civilization blocked all of h…
Friend sends 68 consecutive texts for 6 word message
SASKATOON – An avalanche of texts from Alisha Kostyshyn was sent to her friend today to convey the question “what are you up to tonight?” Clarissa Hamilton’s smart phone unnecessarily vibra…