SAINT JOHN, NB – Making sure they’re not getting into any serious trouble, local 13-year-old, Francis Hollander has recently created a Facebook account to keep track of her parent’s activity onl...
Community not sure about dentist who works from home
Kingston, ON – Community members are searching for a new dentist, now that Dr. Teske has started seeing patients exclusively in his at-home clinic. “Dr. Teske’s a good dentist, but I...
York claims offer to pay half their water bill is “the best in the province”
TORONTO – York University is defending their proposal to pay just 50% of their outstanding water bill to the city of Toronto, calling it “the best offer in the province”. York, which consumes over 200...
Ford blasts Wynne’s SickKids funding: “we shouldn’t reward kids for being sick”
QUEEN’S PARK – Following Premier Kathleen Wynne’s announcement that The Hospital for Sick Children will receive 2.4 billion dollars in additional funding this year, Ontario PC leader Doug Ford h...
March For Our Lives gun control rally sets Guinness record for ‘most unarmed Americans in one location’
WASHINGTON, DC – Protesters gathered Saturday in Washington and across America for a massive demonstration against current U.S. gun laws, inadvertently setting a world record for most unarmed American...
Local arsonist has nagging feeling he forgot to turn stove on
WINKLER, MB – Already half an hour away from home, local arsonist Cole Agassi has remembered that he may have accidentally left the stove off. “Ok, so, I know I kicked through the screen door, a...
Ontario Liberals blow $105 million at the track after blowing $105 million on horse racing industry
FORT ERIE, ON – Ontario Finance Minister Charles Sousa has lost $105 million in wagers after announcing a $105 million annual investment in the horse racing industry. “Come on! Come on!” cheered...
Nation awakes in horror to discover they’ve missed the Junos again
VANCOUVER — Canadian citizens have had a rude awakening this morning as the entire nation has gotten up and realized in horror that they missed the Canadian music awards ceremony the Junos again. “Dam...
Apple upgrade: Covering webcam now makes computer’s privacy-invading senses stronger
CUPERTINO, CA — In response to a growing trend of laptop users covering their webcam with bandages or tape in order to avoid being spied on, Apple CEO Tim Cook has announced that such measures w...
Ontario Cannabis Store unveils $650,000 marketing strategy: hanging an open sign in the front window
OTTAWA – This week the Ontario Cannabis Store made public their marketing strategy for the provincial sale and distribution of marijuana – simply opening for business. “We spent $650,000 o...
